Quotations: Volume 57

I realized I haven't posted Quotations in quite a while... So here are some that I've found in my notes. Many are from London.

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



"Crack is not a vitamin. It is, in fact, a drug."
- Angela

"I do like dirty stories"
- Mark

(after Killer's first try at a monologue about "losing his man card", his fiancée All-The-Way raised her hand)
All-The-Way: I sort of have a question-slash-comment.
Mark: I'm sure you might.

"Be still, good people. 'Tis I, the Protestant whore."
- Blue Badge Tour Guide Seán, supposedly quoting Nell Gwynne

"I saw Margaret Thatcher there once eating a scone. Poor little defenseless scone. Huge, scary teeth coming at it."
- Blue Badge Tour Guide Seán

(after Angela purchased a feather-pen in a gift shop)
Angela: I'm going to see if I can get the feather to stay in my cap.
Wifey: Just don't call it Macaroni.

"Rando Calrissian."
- Wifey, finding a new brilliant way to refer to something as "random"

Mark: He says some quote, it's either Freud or David Bowie, I can't remember which. "We may be done with the past, but the past is never done with us.
Big Show: It's from The Frogs.

Big Show: She may not be a prostitute, but she's wearing a prostitute's uniform.
Wifey: Well, at least you didn't have to pay.

"A lot of actors try to make it fit, and that isn't the point. It's jazz, actually."
- Patsy, on scansion

"Christopher Marlowe never broke the rules, and then Shakespeare came along and broke them all."
- Patsy

"If you wouldn't say what you want to say to Ian McKellan, then don't say it to anyone."
- Patsy, on not giving other actors notes in a rehearsal process

"All women want to be listened to and asked about. If you do that, you can seduce anyone."
- Patsy

"It's like steam-cleaning all the s*** off the text, isn't it?"
- Patsy, on her way of breaking down Shakespeare

"If you bring a plumber 'round and they don't do a proper job, you are outraged. And so should an audience be."
- Patsy, on how actors need to be on the top of their game during each and every performance

"I've worked with actors in America that, if they were here, would be knighted."
- Patsy, on how the UK respects acting in a way that the USA does not

"These plays are not written with a fourth wall."
- Patsy, on Shakespeare

"You've got to believe it will work. There's no point in speaking anything if you as actors have already judged that it won't work."
- Patsy, on your character fighting for their own happy ending

"There is no rehearsal for any of these moments."
- Patsy

"Questions are real."
- Patsy

"It's about experiencing the word enough, and then sending it out."
- Patsy

"Listen to me, all of you. You don't have to make it interesting. It IS interesting."
- Patsy

"You're sort of acting it as an old man. You should eliminate that. Old people don't know that they're old."
- Patsy

"As soon as you decide you can get a laugh on a line and you stick to that, all other options are dead."
- Patsy

"The dialogue you have as an artist with yourself is, 'Is this truthful? Or am I just embellishing?'"
- Patsy

"Judi Dench once said I'm the only one who gives her notes. It's incredibly lonely [to be respected]."
- Patsy

"Some of you might go to LA, but seek out the stage. That's where you learn."
- Patsy

"Believe you're enough. I think that's a great disease amongst you."
- Patsy

"Bring your feet in. Stop looking like Shrek. Or it's the cat in Shrek, isn't it..."
- Charmian

"We have a joke over here that Americans say 'I love you' and 'I hate you' in exactly the same tone."
- Charmian

"If it's difficult to physically say, it's difficult to think and feel."
- Patsy, on heightened language

"[O.D.] can't be the weird one. That would be too obvious."
- Antigone Now Director, while blocking a scene

(Iceman walks in eating chicken.)
Killer: Whatcha got there?
Iceman: It's just a man and a breast.

Quotations: Volume 56

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



"You two need to stop traveling, or I'm going to have to call you on it. (demonstrates basketball referee hand gesture for traveling)"
- Acting Professor, to Big Show & Two-Shots-Up, about not moving their feet to regain balance while they're passionately kissing in their Much Ado About Nothing scene

"Creativity will not be tolerated."
- Voice Professor, to the 1st-year class (as reported by them)

Angela: (to Voice Professor, after hearing about the "Creativity will not be tolerated" quotation) Did you really say that? That's not true. If you didn't allow for creativity, we wouldn't have the sentence, 'I like Thai guys'. (a sample sentence for the "aI" vowel created by Two-Shots-Up)
Voice Professor: If you had [1st-year JaS] and [1st-year TS] in the same class, you would understand the trouble with creativity.

Voice Professor: Where did [O.D.] go?
Angela: He's like Waldo, remember? (silly voice) Where's Waldo?
D-Train: No, because Waldo's always hiding in plain sight.

"[Iceman], I love what you're doing, you drunken sod."
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman about his drunken jailer character in Two Noble Kinsmen

Acting Professoressa: Tell me to look out the window.
Wifey: Look out the window.
Acting Professoressa: HA!

"If she tells me to eat pickles, I'll pull out a swordfish."
- Acting Professoressa, demonstrating how Petruchio (Iceman) says he'll solve each problem that he might have with Kate

Acting Professoressa: Do you know what I'm saying, [Thrill]?
Thrill: Yeah, the problem is just that I don't know how to ask a question. My life is over.

Angela: (hugs Voice Professor) [Voice Professor], it's our last ever day of Voice class.
Voice Professor: I know. It's exciting!
Angela: It's sad!
Voice Professor: I have never had a class that was more ready to move on than this one is.

(after the Taming of the Shrew scene)
Acting Professoressa: [Wifey], did you pinch his nipple?
Wifey: I did.
Acting Professoressa: I liked it. I liked it.

Quotations: Volume 55

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



"Ruffiana is a sort of bizarre Mother Courage."
- Movement Professor, after our Commedia scenario changed so that Ruffiana became a hoarder

"By then, you'll have the fruit-boobs."
- Movement Professor, when our Commedia scenario was going to involve Pedrolino using fruit to dress in drag, and then Vittoria was going to take them away

"[Newbie], your car has leather seats. Your car is the Hussy Taurus."
- 1st-Year L.B., who also has a Taurus

"We had a student here many years ago who, when you gave him a note, he used to say, 'Right on.' [...] After he graduated, I hoped that I would never have to hear that phrase again."
- Acting Professoressa

"Don't be passive. Don't play Mister Cool... Remember that's a trap for you. You ARE cool, man."
- Acting Professoressa, to Big Show

"You are Captain Tostes... Testosterone."
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman on playing Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew

"Don't forget: you're meeting the Gorgon, and no one has ever, ever come out alive."
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman on playing Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew

"When you're dealing with her, think of yourself as a laser beam. Because a laser beam does not do this... (demonstrates a weak, indirect sort of hand motion.) A laser beam goes, 'Zap, you're dead, you're gone.'"
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman on playing Angelo in Measure for Measure

"Just trust yourself. When you don't trust yourself, your Doings all get throw into a great big general bucket called 'loud'."
- Acting Professoressa

"Everyone falls in love differently. Would you agree to that? Sometimes you're friends for years, and then it's, 'Ohhhhh... You...' Other times, it hits you like a lightning bolt."
- Acting Professoressa

"If next year you see your friends aren't Landing, just go over and give them a little reminder. Because without Landing, man, you're just stewing in your own juice."
- Acting Professoressa

"If he says you're gonna play jacks, say, 'Fine, I can play jacks. I'm gonna beat your a**.'"
- Acting Professoressa, to Angela on how Elizabeth responds to Richard in Richard III

(after the cast tried to put up the set pieces for Two Noble Kinsmen, which has the most complicated set of all our scenes)
Acting Professoressa: Is this good, [Thrill]?
Thrill: Yeah.
Acting Professoressa: Alright, let's spike the mother...

Acting Professoressa: This coffee is like crap.
Big Show: Greenroom-brand coffee is not doing it for ya today?
Acting Professoressa: It's like dirty water.
Big Show: With caffeine.
Acting Professoressa: There you go.

(after O.D. said not to put something on the blog, a discussion began about his girlfriend)
Angela: Wait, does she read my blog?
O.D.: Probably She's an info-sponge. She should work for the CIA.

"By the time you graduate, I want you to prove that you are the most precise class I have ever had, and the most creative class I have ever had, which you most certainly are."
- Movement Professor

Quotations: Volume 54

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


(after a discussion of how Voice Professor is looking for books on Dimidov to give Machinal Director)
Voice Professor: Can you tell me his full name?
All-The-Way: I don't know it. (beat) I think it might be Al...ex...an...dre...
Killer: Don't make stuff up.

"Petruchio tells us at the beginning that he's gonna play a lot of roles. 'You want me to be the Great Santini? And saw a woman in half? I'll do it.'"
- Acting Professoressa

"If you start smiling like a chimpanzee, I'll be all over you like white on rice."
- Acting Professoressa

"I've paid my three dollars; now I expect sex."
- Acting Professoressa, on the mindset of the audience

"Oh... I think she needs a shave..."
- Acting Professoressa, mocking how awkward it looked for Killer to cup All-The-Way's face in his hand during a scene, as though he were examining her

(after discussing two possible choices she could make in a scene)
All-The-Way: I think I'm sort of straddling the two now, and I need to make a decision. Sorry, that sounded dirty.
Acting Professoressa: We didn't take it that way, [All-The-Way], I promise you. Only your dirty mind thought that.

"Next year, if you see people relapsing, just a little reminder. 'Dude, go back to your Doings, man!'"
- Acting Professoressa

"Do your Doings. That should be tattooed on you somewhere. Do your Doings."
- Acting Professoressa

"Baaaaaking a caaaaake can maaaake you laaaaate."
- Voice Professor, who made up a sentence for the "alien" vowel in Irish dialect when Angela was a few minutes late to class because she baked Iceman a birthday cake.

"Ask him. 'Where has my youth gone?' 'Where did I put those potatoes?' 'How do you get to Ringling Boulevard?' It's a real question. Ask him."
- Acting Professoressa, demonstrating how to ask a question instead of making it rhetorical

Acting Professoressa: Okay, now someone asks you a question, [O.D.]. What are your choices?
O.D.: (folds arms) Pout.

"'I WILL love her.' 'I've GOT to do it!' 'My gonads are bursting!' Make each one different."
- Acting Professoressa, on not letting declarations of love turn into a list

Quotations: Volume 53

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Touch not the goods."
- Acting Professoressa, to O.D. and Thrill during their Two Noble Kinsmen scene

"Is there going to be pot luck? I'm afraid of Jesus and pot luck."
- Voice Professor, about an upcoming event, after explaining that she couldn't sleep after watching a documentary about the Shroud of Turin

"That was in my goth days... I had a leather jacket and a studded bra."
- Voice Professor, on being in a Salem Witch Trials historic exhibit production

"Okay. Silence. You may begin...(silence) Cat sound! (awkwardly stifled laughter from group) Sorry, I couldn't resist."
- Acting Professoressa, right before Angela and Newbie restarted their All's Well That Ends Well scene, after she had explained that Sir Toby and Sir Andrew might cause a ruckus offstage including cat noises.

"I'm helping you with the hand... Noooooo."
- Voice Professor, after doing hand gestures to help Killer with the vowel-shift for the word "no" in Irish dialect

(after noticing that Two-Shots-Up was taking a picture of Angela with her purple/pink streaked April Fools Day hair next to a purple/pink box of tissues)
Voice Professor: Are you taking a picture because she matches the Kleenex box? How ridiculous.
D-Train: Says the woman with Jesus nightmares.
Voice Professor: (in Irish dialect) That's my subconscious, y' [jerk]!

"This is not such a literal moment. This is not 'the atomic weight of uranium is four-hundred-fifty-six.'"
- Acting Professoressa, to D-Train

(after Acting Professoressa said that D-Train had done something in the scene later than she thought he wanted to)
D-Train: (jokingly)So, I should follow my impulses?
Acting Professoressa: Oh, yeah. What a radical f***ing idea...

(when rehearsing Much Ado about Nothing, for which D-Train is stage manager)
D-Train: Take it from...
Angela: Take it from the kiss?
Newbie: Can we take it from the a** slap?
Acting Professoressa: (looks at the clock) Can we take it from the break?
(NOTE: Apparently, Newbie was quoting something that Machinal Stage Manager once said in rehearsal.)

"It smells like sex in here."
- Iceman, improving in character as the drunken jail-keeper in Two Noble Kinsmen

Quotations: Volume 52

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Let's be a half-drunk audience."
- Movement Professor, before we showed our Stuffed Turkeys

(Voice Professor explained that sometimes the theatre auctions off a dinner cooked by professors, and Voice Professor has been sous chef for it. Thrill seemed confused as to why people would bid on it.)
Thrill: Did you have to take your clothes off or anything?
Voice Professor: These people don't want us to take off our clothes. They want dinner.

"Do you have rats hidden in your armpits? You feral thing. You look scary!"
- Acting Professoressa, when she saw O.D. with the long hair and beard that he'd been growing over Spring Break for his role in The Game of Love and Chance

"Statements are dead wood. Get rid of them."
- Acting Professoressa

"Ladies and gentlemen, there will now be a five minute intermission while Roderigo does his hand-reading lazzo. Feel free to get some popcorn in the lobby."
- Acting Professoressa, after D-Train took longer than usual with a bit he does in a scene as Roderigo (which involves looking at the notes he wrote on his hand about what he wants to confront Iago with)

D-Train: You've given me this note several times, and I still don't know what to do with it.
Acting Professoressa: Well, that's what's good about having a professor with early on-set Alzheimer's: I don't remember that I gave you that note.

"Collaborate with the playwright. Don't just try to please the playwright."
- Movement Professor

"Treat him as if he just put a turd in the punch bowl at your sweet sixteen party. It's a shock."
- Acting Professoressa, coaching All-The-Way on how Luciana should approach Antipholus in The Comedy of Errors

"Sober up, sober up."
- Acting Professoressa, as the entire class laughed at the "turd in the punch bowl" line

"Now before we go to break... Ha! Go to break! It's my talk-show, here. Jimmy, on camera three?"
- Acting Professoressa

"Rabid actor syndrome. Watch out."
- Acting Professoressa, after D-Train accidentally ripped a page out of his Riverside Shakespeare Anthology

"Rarely do you want to be left holding the bag that says, 'I'm a bastard.' That's your last choice."
- Acting Professoressa, on the importance of positive justifications and positive point-of-view choices

(while discussing D-Train's Need in his scene with Angela)
Angela: I think it has less to do with him wanting to sleep with a person, and more to do with him wanting to sleep with me, specifically. He keeps saying how gorgeous I am...
Wifey: Well, sure, he probably wants you to look pretty while he does you.

"She has it, knowing that his d*** will jump out of his pants."
- Acting Professoressa, on Angela's character Diana in All's Well That Ends Well knowing that she can get what she wants from him

"Don't spill your juice so early... I don't mean that sexually."
- Acting Professoressa, on D-Train & Angela's scene from All's Well That Ends Well

"I don't think I've been smoking enough."
- Acting Professoressa, after telling us that she didn't feel well

"Swing those balls, man."
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman on how he needs to prove Petruchio's manhood in The Taming of the Shrew

"Now, who is this 'Keeper'? Could he have a slight -- and I mean really, really, really, really slight -- drinking problem?"
- Acting Professoressa, on Iceman's bit part as the Keeper of the prison in a Two Noble Kinsmen scene

(while discussing Wifey & Iceman's Taming of the Shrew scene)
D-Train: Isn't that line sexual innuendo?
Wifey: I'm treating it like it is.
Angela: I love the "tongue in your tail" line. That gets me every time.
Acting Professoressa: Well, now we know what floats your boat.
(general laughter)

(while discussing the blocking of Wifey & Iceman's Taming of the Shrew scene)
All-the-Way: Shouldn't she slap him back, after he hits her butt?
Wifey: Maybe I liked it a little.

Quotations: Volume 52

It's a short list of quotations this week, as we had very few classes (what with the opening and all).

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


Acting Professoressa: (to All-The-Way) You need to turn out more. (to Angela, who last week got notes about not cheating out enough) Angela, do you see this? This is what you were doing. (shows All-The-Way's position) Bad. (moves All-The-Way so that she's cheating out properly) Good.
Angela: I know. I'm working on it. Did you see how open I was in Machinal?
Acting Professoressa: Yes, you were so f***ing fantastic I almost died.

"There is my dagger, and here are my boobs. Right?"
- Acting Professoressa, paraphrasing O.D.'s line as Cassius in Julius Caesar, "There is my dagger, and here my naked breast."

(in O.D.'s scene, he has to unzip his jacket, but not fully disengage the zipper so that D-Train can reach over and zip it back up)
Acting Professoressa: Remember, [O.D.]: never unzip all the way.
O.D.: (while writing in his notebook) Never unzip all the way. Good rule for life.

"Stay open, you guys. I am going to call you on it. As sure as the sun will shine."
- Acting Professoressa

Quotations: Volume 51

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"If you're not willing to make a fool of yourself, you're going to be extremely limited as an actor."
- Acting Professoressa

"Ask her again if she had an intent to call Expedia and go to Paris."
- Acting Professoressa, to Wifey during a Shakespeare scene where she asks Two-Shots-Up if she's planning to go to Paris

"Yeah. But don't scare me when you say it."
- Voice Professor, to O.D. after he said a sentence in his (apparently scary) New York dialect

"My wish for you is that you should be able to take care of yourselves when you're on stage next year."
- Acting Professoressa

"Just because she says she's going to marry him, doesn't mean she means it. Sometimes we say things we don't mean."
- Machinal Director

"I bet, if I cross yellow with red, I'll get orange... and then I can paint a sunset!"
- Acting Professoressa, demonstrating a discovery moment

"It's been twenty-four hours. He's had twenty-four hours to think about her. He has a pin-up book of her in his head. Well, he's a man."
- Acting Professoressa, on how Angelo has been thinking about Isabella in Measure for Measure

"I don't know why this line is so long."
- Acting Professoressa, on a line that Two-Shots-Up has in her All's Well That Ends Well scene

Iceman: (to Two-Shots-Up) You were doing it awesomely! (to the room) Right?
Acting Professoressa: Well, I don't know. I gave her a note. So maybe not.

"And how do you want to serve her that? With a sledgehammer of a piece of pie?"
- Acting Professoressa, to Big Show on how he makes Angela an offer in their Richard III scene

"Yeah, just turn out, Angela... We want to see your boobs."
- All-The-Way, instructing Angela on how to stand in the scene (and it totally helped)

Quotations: Volume 50

Nifty Fifty!

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"I've got to find a new party!"
- D-Train, while improvising a scene in Movement class with Big Show using his "external" of "on cocaine". Big Show had told him that it wasn't cool to show up at his party like that

"Your version of this scene prevents a far more dysfunctional relationship than I ever thought possible."
- Acting Professoressa, to O.D. and D-Train about their Brutus/Cassius scene from Julius Caesar

"You're not giving me enough dill on the pickle there, on the word 'honors'."
- Acting Professoressa, to D-Train

"It is way too early in the morning for me to control myself."
- Head of Program, after making a randy comment at 9:00am

Head of Program: No professional organization worth its salt is going to give you one side that's completely clean, and then another side where she strips off all her clothes, has sex with five men, and then murders a dog.
Iceman: Although I would like to see that play...

"I guess what I'm saying is, be prepared to fib, if not outright lie."
- Head of Program, on getting out of an audition that makes you uncomfortable by saying you have a scheduling conflict

"If you say, 'her peas', make sure it doesn't sound like 'herpes'."
- Voice Professor

(after watching one of Thrill's expressive actions with a handkerchief)
Movement Professor: What does that mean?
Thrill: "Smell me, I am man."

(Big Show has worn a baseball cap to class, and has rotated it sideways)
Acting Professoressa: Why do you have your hat on like that?
Big Show: Do you like it?
Acting Professoressa: No, I think you look like a jerk. You're a Shakespearean actor. Don't wear your hat like that.

Quotations: Volume 49

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Don't do anything... bad."
- Voice Professor, as she left us alone in the room for a few minutes

"I'm not really interested in any of the good parts of these characters."
- Machinal Director

"If Uncle Fester was super fine, that's what he looked like."
- Two-Shots-Up, on a guy she once knew

"I would marry [person], but he's Muslim, so that could cause problems. I mean, I'm Catholic. I'm Boston Irish Catholic. You know."
- Voice Professor

"My expectations are that you will, one: be creative; two: do all of your work; three: as well as you can."
- Movement Professor, on our Restoration work

"I feel like I'm a gynecologist."
- Acting Professoressa, after sitting on a rolling chair

(while discussing the recruitment auditions)
Acting Professoressa: We had three actors curtsy on the, 'Thank you.'
O.D.: Men or women?

"I am so deeply into my character, I'm in Reality Five-Hundred-Twenty-Wight... and it takes forever to get me back into Reality Number One."
- Acting Professoressa, on auditioning actors who had way too long of final moments in their pieces

"We're trying to determine if a student has some gift, in spite of what they're doing."
- Acting Professoressa, on trying to look past actors bad habits at auditions to see if they're good people to train

"Graduate school is not therapy. We just cannot deal with that."
- Acting Professoressa, on not taking on students if they seem like they have emotional problems

"'Throw away the dress,' I wrote. I can't remember what she was wearing."
- Acting Professoressa, reading some of her notes from recruitment auditions

"I saw a semaphore version of that piece. You know what that means? What they do with the flags? (uses arms to demonstrate flag signaling) That's how much indicating she was doing."
- Acting Professoressa, on an audition where someone used a monologue that Angela has done in class

"Ladies, when the word 'womb' comes up, please do not clutch it."
- Acting Professoressa, warning us of bad auditioning behavior that she saw at recruitment

"Don't gesture with your pelvis on sexual references. We had one guy do it three times."
- Acting Professoressa, warning us of bad auditioning behavior that she saw at recruitment

"I wrote down 'dash C' for 'Clueless'."
- Acting Professoressa, on her recruitment notes

"A couple of Antigones... boring, boring."
- Acting Professoressa, on the recruitment auditions

"I wrote down '[person we know] plays Imogen.' You know, to remember."
- Acting Professoressa, on her recruitment notes

"I wrote down that it was the worst audition in history, and then, to make it worse, he SANG! And he couldn't sing!"
- Acting Professoressa, on a particularly bad audition she saw at recruitment

"Always a lot of Benedicks. I've never seen one work. A lot of swagger, not a lot of purpose."
- Acting Professoressa, on recruitment auditions

Acting Professoressa: This one girl looked like Gary Busey. And she did Cordelia.
Iceman: She should do Point Break!

"I start to feel like an old Jewish grandmother. 'Would it kill her to put on some makeup?' 'She couldn't take a comb to her hair?'"
- Acting Professoressa, on her thoughts at recruitment auditions

"If I notice a sense of humor, I'm all over them. Love that."
- Acting Professoressa, on something that she likes to see in recruitment auditions

"One guy said 'a lovely won-ton woman' instead of 'a lively wanton woman'."
- Acting Professoressa, on a recruitment audition

"Why are people selfish? Why do they behave selfishly? It's based on fear."
- Acting Professoressa, giving advice for scene work

(interrupting a scene in which Wifey has an aside, which she spoke loudly while Two-Shots-Up was right next to her facing the other direction)
Acting Professoressa: Can I ask you, is she deaf?
Wifey: No.
Acting Professoressa: Then be more careful in talking to us. A little quieter. Maybe come all the way downstage.
Wifey: I thought it was more 'the magic of theatre', and now she can hear me.
Acting Professoressa: Try it again. The magic of theatre... Tweet, tweet: we're outside.

(after discussing Doings/Actions)
Acting Professoressa: He's gonna remind you? Then you remind him back! (does a little dance)Then you've got something going on!
Angela: That was a nice little dance there, [Acting Professoressa].
Acting Professoressa: Thank you. Only the best.

(mid-scene, D-Train grabbed O.D. by the shirt, and his snap-up shirt completed unsnapped, revealing his bare, hairy chest)
D-Train: (shocked and embarrassed at what has just happened) Oh, wow.
O.D.: I should have shaved...
Angela: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!
O.D.: [Acting Professoressa] liked it, though.

"You really just have to play a nanosecond - and [O.D.], hear me well, a nanosecond - of, 'Did he just say that?!' Take a second to think about whether you've been insulted."
- Acting Professoressa

(when saying the word "heart", Thrill pointed to his heart)
Acting Professoressa: Don't show me. I know where the f*** your heart is.
Thrill: (breaks character completely, and begins hysterically laughing at himself) I know! I don't know why I just did that.

"We can shoot it up. Shoot it up to Patience."
- Thrill, after a conversation about whether the word "Patience" in his text was a command, or a personified virtue cherub... (which was hard to tell, as the capitalization might have just been because it was the beginning of a line), and it was decided that he should try to say the line to Patience, in the sky

"I don't want to see you in sneakers, because there's no Sports Authority in Cypress."
- Acting Professoressa, on Thrill's outfit to play Othello

"Sit your gimpy-a** down."
- Acting Professoressa, to Big Show in his Richard III scene

"Tricky-Dick."
- Acting Professoressa, using her nick-name for Richard III

"Yes, that's my mission: to make your lives miserable. Poor things."
- Acting Professoressa

Acting Professoressa: (to Thrill on his Othello scene) What do you need from her? What do you want to do to her?
Thrill: I think the subtext of that line is like, 'You whore.'

Quotations: Volume 48

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



Stage Combat Instructor: Let's say, worst case scenario, what happens if you actually get kicked in the yummies?
1st-year GP: It'll look real!
Stage Combat Instructor: Well, yes, it'll look real, but that's the goal.
1st-year KC: Tony Award!

"We're not saying, 'We're fight people, and you must bow to our whim.'"
- Fight Master

"When you hear the inner monologue of a fight, it's usually either, 'Aha!' or, 'Oh, f***!' It just goes between those two."
- Fight Master

"It's like when people say all the words of Shakespeare and think they've done verse."
- Fight Master, on sometimes people think that by doing all the moves of stage combat, they've actually done a fight scene, even though they're not telling the story at all

"Shakespeare wrote, 'They fight,' not, 'A fight'. It's who they are that makes it important and interesting."
- Fight Master

"You can't stop pursuing your Doing because you're out of choreography."
- Fight Master

"Follow your d*** instincts, man!"
- Fight Master, to O.D.

Killer: (as he throws a punch) BAM!
Fight Master: Don't say bam.

"Don't take reactions to the floor. The floor didn't pay to see your face."
- Fight Master

"Impact becomes a given circumstance."
- Fight Master

"It's like a piece of paper that's on the floor of the stage that actors keep walking by, but they ignore it. But the whole audience sees it, and wonders why the actors aren't acknowledging it."
- Fight Master, on how the audience has seen you get punched in the jaw, and therefore you need to continue to have pain from that punch

"Change the beat, move your feet."
- Fight Master

"We're trying to see if you learned a fight, or how to fight."
- Fight Master

"We want to be worried for the character, never for the actor."
- Stage Combat Instructor

"I've blocked fights where people bash babies' heads into walls, but you never lose an audience faster than when an actor actually spits on another actor's face."
- Stage Combat Instructor, on why you shouldn't do real spitting on stage

Fight Master: You have to follow through with the punch after the knap, so that you look like a fighter. We don't want you to look like a knapper. A knapper? I think I made that up.
Angela: I'm a knapper, not a fighter.
Fight Master: Make knaps, not war.

Quotations: Volume 47

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



"That was bad. Let me try that again. Let's not pretend; that was terrible."
- Big Show, during a Roy Hart exercise

"Skinny dipping is encouraged. No one wears bathing suits. I didn't."
- Voice Professor, on visiting the Roy Hart chateau in France

"For example, [Thrill]'s... well, I don't want to say anything that's a secret, but you're not Caucasian."
- Voice Professor, talking about how different dialects are going to be more beneficial to some people than others, based on their types

"You can pretty much go by what sounds retarded."
- Voice Professor, on how to hear if something in the New York dialect is right or not

"Guys, this is not a really difficult dialect, so don't despair now, or we'll never make it through Irish."
- Voice Professor

"I think you have to squeeze his balls. I mean, he's not getting it, is he? Extreme times call for extreme measures."
- Acting Professoressa, to Wifey, on how her Sensual Doing Verb (non-literal) should be "to squeeze"

"Okay, next time, squeeze his balls, but this time, he likes it."
- Acting Professoressa, trying to give Wifey a bigger obstacle in her monologue

"When you do, that it confuses us. It confuses [Acting Professoressa]. [Acting Professoressa] is old."
- Acting Professoressa

"It's rhetorical. It's the difference between, 'How can I go to class with a pot of spaghetti on my head.' versus, "How can I go to class with a pot of spaghetti on my head?"
- Acting Professoressa

(on All-The-Way's focus in her monologue, where she uses the audience as a scene partner, but then spends part of the speech talking to a photograph)
All-The-Way: This is a hard piece to involve a partner.
Acting Professoressa: Yeah. We didn't talk about this, but a prop could be a partner.
All-The-Way: Oh, I have many partners.
Wifey: Ooh, don't go sayin' that.

(on Iceman & Newbie's scene from Measure for Measure)
Acting Professoressa: She has to get the answers right so she won't get attacked.
All-The-Way: That's the worst game show ever.
Acting Professoressa: What is?
O.D.: "Don't Get Raped".
Acting Professoressa: But who's the host?
Iceman: [OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD]!

"Keeping your character off-balance; that's when interesting things happen."
- Acting Professoressa

(during a New York dialect exercise)
D-Train: I feel like a tool.
Angela: That's how you know you're doing it right.
Voice Professor: Okay, [Big Show]'s next. [Big Show], be a tool.
Big Show: I already am.

(Angela had a headache and was wearing sunglasses in class. She became a character in her New York dialect exercises, but kept saying things correctly.)
Voice Professor: Obviously, the glasses are the dialect. So I think you all know what to bring for tomorrow.
Angela: (with a New York dialect) I came in with my Starbucks, too, so obviously that helped.

"I'm still talkin' outta my uterus."
- All-The-Way, after noticing that her voice drops low when we attempts a New York dialect

Quotations: Volume 46

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)



"If you're screaming to the, God forbid, areopagites..."
- Voice Professor, giving an example of screaming at the audience


D-Train: (groan)
Movement Professor: That just means you're starting to like ballet.


Movement Professor: (groans while doing a stretch for her thighs)
D-Train: That just means you're starting to like ballet.
Movement Professor: It means I like opening my thighs.


"I might have to cut out of class an hour early that Thursday because I have a plane to catch. And I'm a girl, so I have s*** to carry."
- Acting Professoressa, about leaving for recruitment

(after glancing at syllabus)
Newbie: I have a question about the Shakespeare scenes. It says we're doing three?
Acting Professoressa: Right. That's probably a fairy tale.

"If you are completely in Reality Number Two, if you have packed correctly for this journey, I'm gonna know it."
- Acting Professoressa

"Well come out and play. If you don't have that, you might as well play Richard Dahlmer."
- Acting Professoressa

"The thing to hang your hat on is Need. That'll get you where you need to go."
- Acting Professoressa

"Try to get away with it."
- Acting Professoressa, on playing "evil" characters

"If I get wind that you, as a graduate of the [Conservatory], are out there playing qualities, I will be out there on my f***ing broomstick..."
- Acting Professoressa (I didn't hear the end of the sentence, because we all started busting out laughing)

"These 3D glasses don't work!"
- Killer, during our "goggle" exercise to focus our voices

(while discussing the vowel in "pie", and the phrase "I like my pie".)
Voice Professor: Is there a swear word with [the "i" sound] in it?
Angela: Not that I can think of.
DC: Shite?
Voice Professor: I like my shite-y pie.

(O.D. walked up to Voice Professor to ask a question)
O.D.: Are the muscles of support the same as Kegel muscles?
Voice Professor: No. Get back over there.

"You can feel however you want; just don't play it."
- Acting Professoressa

"This is not how you want to end up, like Mr. Google in the library."
- Acting Professoressa

"You can nail him. You can nail a baby. You can nail a King. You can nail anyone as long as you're right... (sees Angela writing down the quotation) Jesus, I'm going to be arrested for child abuse if my name gets put next to that."
- Acting Professoressa, after D-Train mentioned he was uncertain of whether he should use the verb "to nail" as an action

"You're the King. And I'll tell you one thing; you're a lot better looking than a lot of those kings they used to have. Some of those people were dogs."
- Acting Professoressa, about Iceman's monologue where he plays a King

"You call on God if you want, but don't spend a lot of time with God. It's really about them."
- Acting Professoressa, on how Iceman is calling on God as a tactic to get through to the people of his court

"You can land them both. You're an athlete. You can do it. You're an acting athlete."
- Acting Professoressa, about landing two lines in quick succession

"You have to come up with the list as you're saying it. It's the bathtub, and the wallpaper, and the chicken!"
- Acting Professoressa

"These are not Shakespeare's words. These are your words. They are Romeo's words, and you are Romeo."
- Acting Professoressa, to Killer.

Quotations: Volume 45

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Um, Stage Combat... I may be the only faculty person in the building during Stage Combat, so I might be in charge of it. Not sure how that's gonna work."
- Voice Professor

"We're going to be busy. We're going to be in Machinal. And the right after we'll be in The Game of Love and Chance. Is that the name of the play? (group collectively says 'yes') Oh, good. That would've been embarrassing for me."
- Voice Professor

"Don't send any play suggestions to me. I'm watching Say Yes to the Dress. I'm not reading that."
- Voice Professor, after people had asked if they could submit suggestions of plays for the theatre to produce next year

"This shouldn't hurt. Ballet shouldn't hurt. At least, not now. It should hurt tomorrow."
- Movement Professor

"...And of course Marivaux is an outgrowth of them. I meant a descendent, not an outgrowth. He's not a fungus."
- Movement Professor, after talking about Moliere and other French playwrights of the time period

"I took speed once. I was awake for four days. [...] I liked it so much that I knew I could never do drugs again."
- [name withheld to protect the guilty]

(while discussing Killer's need in his Romeo monologue, a possibility was that Romeo was trying to get the Friar to give him a miracle)
Acting Professoressa: So this means you are endowing the Friar with the ability to carry out miracles.
O.D.: Would you like me to stand in for that then?

"I don't have a syllabus for you. I'll have one on Tuesday. But, briefly, the syllabus says... the same old crap."
- Acting Professoressa

"Think about what will happen when your granddaughter finds this in the future. She'll read your notes, see all your work... It's inspiring."
- Acting Professoressa, trying to motivate us to do our labor-intensive Shakespeare Workbook homework

"The man is dying, but must the play die?"
- Acting Professoressa, after Iceman's first attempt at his monologue where he plays a dying man

Quotations: Volume 44

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)

"When you go to auditions, most people are too afraid to go far enough."
- David Brunetti

"I have a friend who says, 'Show me a well-behaved child, and I'll show you an abused child.' Children aren't meant to be perfect."
- David Brunetti

David Brunetti: You just came in half a bar early.
1st-Year GP: (gestures to accompanist) I feel like I need him to go, 'Hit it, Toots!'

(after 1st-Year GK recited the lyrics to "Real Live Girl")
1st-Year TS: Absolutely no character adjustment whatsoever.
David Brunetti: (to 1st-Year GK) Is that true?
1st-Year GK: I don't think so. I don't know.
David Brunetti: Why'd he say that?
1st-Year GK: I don't know why he said that.
1st-Year TS: I don't know why I say most things I say.

1st-Year JaS: You don't know this, but we had thirteen people in our class until she killed one of them. Jorge. With the apple.
Angela: In the Conservatory.

Wifey: I brought in like five songs. I secretly knew this was the one, but how often do you get to sing and have someone just play for you?
Accompanist: You used me!

"You guys are great. I almost feel like I'm not earning my money, because the work is so good I have nothing to do."
- David Brunetti

David Brunetti: Does singing scare you?
1st-Year JaS: It didn't used to. I guess... I suppose it doesn't scare me as much as rock climbing.

"Hello. I'm [1st-Year TS], I'm a first-year, and this is a cat being killed by a bagpipe.... No, it's 'River in the Rain'."
- 1st-Year TS (in a rehearsal)

"Hello. My name is [1st-Year TS], I'm a first-year, and I'm going to sing 'River in the Rain'. And then I'm going to throw up."
- 1st-Year TS (at the Showing)

Quotations: Volume 43

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


(Voice Professor made copies of our RP assignment and handed us back the originals. Big Show was attempting to erase something he had written on his assignment, and was having difficulty)
Big Show: Is this the copy?
Voice Professor: No.
Big Show: I guess I just suck at erasing, then.
Voice Professor: I've never heard anyone say that before.
Two-Shots-Up: What?
Voice Professor: 'I suck at erasing.' Make a note of it.

"Over break, I had a woodpecker in my yard who started pecking in iambic pentameter. Not always. He goes into other rhythms as well, but then every so often he goes back to it. I was stunned."
- Acting Professoressa

"Stepping back is fine. People step back for all sorts of reasons. Aren't you glad you came to grad school? To get that nugget of information?"
- Acting Professoressa, after someone had tried to avoid taking a step backward in their sonnet work

"Everybody! Need, and four doings, you're ready to go!"
- Acting Professoressa, on sonnet work

"Rhyme is a good reason to make sure you don't drip-drip-drip, but land-land-land."
- Acting Professoressa, on rhyming couplets at the ends of sonnets and monologues

"Lawrence Olivier and John Gielgud had something more than skill or talent; they were obsessed."
- Acting Professoressa

"I'm not saying you should go insane; I'm just saying it helps to get a little obsessed with your work."
- Acting Professoressa

(in a discussion about why Proteus falls for Sylvia in The Two Gentlemen of Verona)
O.D.: I think it is a forbidden fruit thing.
Newbie: "I want her because you said I couldn't have her."
Acting Professoressa: "I want to touch the costume because you put a sign on it that told me not to."

(in a discussion about how it was impossible to look manly in their ballet tights, Iceman hooks his thumbs into them as though they were belt-loops, and began to walk like John Wayne)
Iceman It kinda looks macho if you walk around like this.
Thrill: Nah, man. You're still in tights.
Iceman: Whatever. They're cowboy tights now.

(discussing the scansion of a Shakespeare line that involves the words "pale cold cowardice")
Angela: It's a red house.
Big Show: It's a double red house.
Angela: Indeed.
Big Show: A super red house. A long red house.
Angela: A duplex.

"Honey, it's like a gift from God to have your Need spelled out in the last line of your text. Go for it."
- Acting Professoressa, to Wifey, on her monologue that concludes with "The best way is to venge my Gloucester's death."

Angela: She's awesome!
Thrill: That chick is crazy.
Voice Professor: Who are we talking about?
Thrill: Lady Gaga. She wears feathers on her eyes and stuff.
Angela: So? I have feather false eyelashes.
Voice Professor: We're not comparing anyone to you as a measurement of normality. You're not a good point of reference.

"Have compassion on my frayed nerves. No, no, my nerves aren't frayed. I'm just old."
- Acting Professoressa

"Every song that has ever lasted, ever, almost without exception, was written by someone who was really a dramatist."
- David Brunetti, on how song writers have to think like actors and dramatists, and think about a person who is going through something

"In opera, the acting is just horrendous. Almost universally. It's appalling."
- David Brunetti

"He was great. He sang songs, and he just lived them. That's what I want you guys to do."
- David Brunetti, on Frank Sinatra

"I used to go home with my script, like every untrained actor, and come up with line readings for every line. 'Maybe THIS would sound good.' Or 'maybe THIS would sound good.' Or 'maybe THIS would sound good?'"
- David Brunetti, on how line-readings prevent you from being real

"Singing is speaking. That's how I want you to think about it."
- David Brunetti

"The characters you're playing are screaming maniacs. They behave the way you don't allow yourself to behave in life. If you want to play the, you have to find the screaming maniac in yourself."
- David Brunetti

"That's why people pay money to sit in chairs in the dark and watch us. It's to see parts of themselves that they suppress. It's healing. It's beautiful."
- David Brunetti

"You wanna NOT have a feeling? Then try to have it. You won't be able to. All you'll get is a cliché."
- David Brunetti

"The kind of actor I like to work with won't say, 'What am I feeling?', but, 'What am I doing?'"
- David Brunetti

(after 1st-Year JMM recited the text of his long song)
David Brunetti: Is that it?
1st-Year JMM: Yes.
David Brunetti: God, it's the longest song ever written.

"Let's say that they were going to cut this song from the show and replace it with a line. There are lots of reasons they might cut a song from a show... Maybe because the song is too d*** long."
- David Brunetti

"Most songs are not about people having a joyful day. I would say eighty-five percent of songs are people who are not having a joyful day."
- David Brunetti

"Strasberg would say, 'Use your history. Use your memories.' Meisner would say 'Use your imagination.' He thought it was dangerous and limiting to only use your own experiences. I say, use both."
- David Brunetti

"The star of this song is not you; it's your partner."
- David Brunetti

"If you're working impulsively, you'll be full of tactics. Because we're all theatrical people."
- David Brunetti

"You don't want to hide behind the music."
- David Brunetti

"It's terrible to be actors who are directing yourselves, because then you're always up in your head. But it's important to know how to shape things."
- David Brunetti

"People ask me what to do with their bodies while they're singing, and I say, 'I don't care.' You don't think about your body while you're living."
- David Brunetti

"I'm Italian and Russian, so my body is ridiculous."
- David Brunetti

"My mother is from Mexico, and my dad is random white stuff."
- 1st-Year LB

(after a few tries, 1st-Year JS nailed his song)
David Brunetti: That was great! How'd you do that?
1st-Year JS: I did everything you said finally.

Quotations: Volume 42

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"This is not a debate session. FYI."
- Voice Professor, when she was giving notes on our RP

"[O.D.], don't get any closer to me!"
- Voice Professor, when it appeared that O.D. was following her

Newbie: I don't know how [Head of Program] does it. His curtain speeches are great, but I would sound so cheesy if I said some of that stuff.
Voice Professor: He can get away with it because of his height.

"I'm not very professor-ly."
- Voice Professor

(Angela came into class wearing a tutu that she had made the night before... because she's awesome. And then in Voice class, she started tremoring in the tutu.)
Wifey: (seeing Angela tremoring in half-plow) Angela, that looks so funny in your tutu.
Angela: I know. Why do you think I chose the half-plow? I was gonna do first position, but this was so much more entertaining.
Newbie: (laughs)
All-The-Way: I just can't look at you.
Voice Professor: This group is definitely talented and unique.

(while the group was suggesting "doing" verbs for sonnets)
Angela: What about "to lather"?
Acting Professoressa: To lather? Like soap?
Angela: Yeah! It works for me.
Acting Professoressa: Angela, you are the strangest person...

(after a tangent about John Wayne)
Acting Professoressa: Okay, that's great, and now let's get back to the sonnets.
Big Show: Yes, sorry.
Acting Professoressa: It's okay. John Wayne was a big fan of the sonnets. I've heard that many times.

(Acting Professoressa had announced that we would take a break after finishing the current task. When it took longer than expected, she encouraged us to pick up the pace.)
Acting Professoressa: Come on, let's go. I need a cigarette.
Big Show: Me too.
D-Train: Me too.
Acting Professoressa: I'm such a role model.

"I think 'spanking' is fabulous."
- Acting Professoressa, on using "to spank" as a "sensual doing"

"If you wanna blast off, that's something you do in private."
- Acting Professoressa, after someone suggested "to blast off" as a non-literal "doing"

"To shank her?"
- Thrill, suggesting a verb as a "doing" for Newbie's sonnet

"Blast her! Blast her! Positive energy! Blast her!"
- Acting Professoressa, instructing Newbie on how to use a doing in her sonnet

(before a sonnet that Newbie was delivering to Wifey, who was playing Newbie's dying grandmother)
Acting Professoressa: Quiet, everybody!
(Killer coughs)
All-the-Way: [Killer]!
Acting Professoressa: [Killer], I said to be quiet.
Wifey: That's alright. Coughing and sneezing is welcome. Makes me feel like I'm in a hospital.

Quotations: Volume 41

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


(in the sentence "The tumultuous news assumed the duke fought a duel in the nude", O.D. was trying so hard to work on his liquid-u that he put one in the word "fought", which made the whole class burst into laughter at the amazing-ness of his newly created word)
"Everyone take your pronouncing dictionaries; change it."
- Voice Professor

"'Whoreson dog.' I want you to use that expression next time you're dissatisfied with someone."
- Acting Professoressa, quoting Cymbeline

"I think he's having a metaphor meltdown."
- Acting Professoressa, on Cloten in Act II, scene iii of Cymbeline

O.D.: Wales is considered this especially dreary part of England...
Acting Professoressa: I got food poisoning in Wales; I can vouch for that.

Iceman: It's kind of like a simile.
Angela: (laughs) I love that you used a simile to call it a simile.

Wifey: (moment of realization) Ahhh!
Acting Professoressa: (in a baby voice, as people sometimes use to talk to infants and pets) Did you just get it?
Wifey: I did.
Acting Professoressa: (reverts to normal voice) I'm sorry. I don't know why you just turned into my dog. I talk to my dog that way.
Wifey: It's okay. You love your dog.
Acting Professoressa: I do!

"Halfway between the "I" and the "i". That's sort of the [1st-Year Acting Professor] vowel, isn't it? Like 'seewhatimean'?"
- Voice Professor

"You say, '[Voice Professor] says this, but whatever you'd like.' That way it takes the weight off of you and puts it all on me. And you've also said, 'whatever you'd like.'"
- Voice Professor, on what to do if a director at the Conservatory/Rep Theatre asks us to change the way we're saying something in dialect

"They're really useful. See, I'm using one. Auntie [Acting Professoressa] uses one."
- Acting Professoressa, on how using a bookmark as a guide for which line you're reading can be helpful in Shakespearean texts

All-The-Way: My first sensual doing was 'to twist his arm'.
Acting Professoressa: Yeah, that was like an AK-47 in his face.

(on acting sonnets)
Acting Professoressa: You have to über-land that couplet so that they know it's over.
Killer: Put a button on it.
Acting Professoressa: Yes. A button. An Elizabethan button.

"Make some noise. You're having sex. Just make some breathing noises..."
- Acting Professoressa, helping to set the scene for a sonnet

"Try to get your 'Need' met and be a mensch at the same time. That'll make the gods smile on you. Even if you don't get your 'Need' met."
- Acting Professoressa

"He knows all too well the sounds of her in the throes of rapture."
- Acting Professoressa

"I'm willing to watch it. I'm waiting.... I'm unsure on the premise, but I'm willing to watch it."
- Acting Professoressa, after it was proposed that D-Train's sonnet begin with him walking in on lovers

Quotations: Volume 40

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


(before O.D. started his sonnet)
"Shake out yours arms, would you? But don't lose your alignment. (to class) He's gonna kill me... 'Professor Slain; Gruesome Murder in Front of Adorable Precious Dog'."
- Acting Professoressa

"[O.D.], why are you putting your back to me constantly? Is it something I've done?"
- Acting Professoressa

"There are people who should be paid to have children, I've always said. And people who should be paid NOT to have children."
- Acting Professoressa, on the "beautiful people" of the world

"Don't be tame in your choices. Why use pastels? This is Shakespeare. I want to see primary colors."
- Acting Professoressa

"Don't fall into the Mother Theresa Syndrome, where what you're doing is for the betterment of humanity. You have to have a personal connection to the 'Need'."
- Acting Professoressa, on not having an altruistic objective for your character

"Well, you are the Dane."
- Acting Professoressa, on why someone named Dane should play Hamlet

Acting Professoressa: So let's say you're going to an audition and they want two conflicting pieces... (realizing she misspoke) Not conflicting. Contrasting.
Iceman: Sometimes it's both.
Killer: I'm playing Romeo AND Juliet!

"You're handsome, you're young, you have a 'Need'!"
- Acting Professoressa, on why Killer should play Romeo

"God bless you for trying to get it all right off the bat, but for now, let's not focus on operatives."
- Voice Professor, on our first day of the British RP dialect

(regarding the RP cheat sheet assignment we have to turn in on Tuesday)
Voice Professor: I must be able to read it.
Killer: (joking) Why?
Voice Professor: I know, I'm stating the obvious. No blood on the paper, and I must be able to read it.
Wifey: Then I'll be sure not to take it to Winn-Dixie.

"That was [Iceman] taking his [O.D.] for a walk."
- Killer, after Iceman and O.D. did contact improv together

"This is a huge thing. This is like Lou Dobbs quit CNN."
- Acting Professoressa

Quotations: Volume 39

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Never neglect inflection... Words to live by."
- Wifey, after mentioning that she had neglected to mark some of her inflections in her monologue

"Don't say it's awful. It's called learning."
- Movement Professor, in ballet

"Don't try to think about this logically. It doesn't really work that way."
- Movement Professor, in ballet

" Try to keep some sparkles in your eyes. It helps you do ballet, actually."
- Movement Professor, in ballet

"In my experience, the people who do the best at auditioning are those who find a way to enjoy it."
- Acting Professoressa

"Miss [Acting Professoressa], would you try that again, but this time try it as a pregnant... donkey."
- Acting Professoressa, giving a hypothetical example of how one might be given ridiculous direction during an audition

"Everyone in New York has to carry their life with them, but you just can't come in like Mother Courage and Her Children."
- Acting Professoressa, on not bringing in a ton of stuff to an audition

"Before you come in, just say to yourself, 'F*** 'em.' You're there to solve their problems."
- Acting Professoressa, on auditioning

"Do you know how often you're sitting behind a casting desk and you have half an hour left and haven't seen anyone who looks like they could play Bob Cratchitt in a heartbeat? And if you give it to them, they'll love you."
- Acting Professoressa, on auditioning

"The great speeches are great speeches because they're great speeches. You don't have to ignore them because you want something unurual. It's like, why would you choose to take a jalopy instead of a limo?"
- Acting Professoressa, on choosing a Shakespeare monologue

"Assume that people like you. Always, if you can. Not if someone's driving a truck over you... But in general, in life. We never really know what people think of us, so why not just assume that they like us?"
- Acting Professoressa

"If you can imagine being Macbeth, then you can imagine yourself doing an Adagio. And if you can imagine doing an Adagio, then you can do an Adagio."
- Movement Professor

"That's a special kind of double-dipping. A 'double-dripping', let's call it."
- Acting Professoressa, on continuing to work a note you've already taken to a point that you go too far

(when trying to determine whose sonnets we had already heavily delved into)
Acting Professoressa: ...and [Iceman] claims he already went. (raises eyebrow incredulously)
Iceman: Jedi mind trick. This is not the sonnet you're looking for.

(Acting Professoressa began to clarify All-The-Way's scenario for her sonnet)
Acting Professoressa: So your 'Need' is to break up with... what did you say his name was? Horatio?
All-The-Way: Liam.
Acting Professoressa: Right. Liam.

"Always choose to be a mensch."
- Acting Professoressa

"He's torturing me. No, wait, I'm torturing myself. I'm doing it to myself... 'Therefore, buddy, all the more reason we should break up. I'm not into torture.'"
- Acting Professoressa, on All-The-Way's inner-monologue for Sonnet 61

(while discussing Big Show's scenario for Sonnet 97)
Acting Professoressa: I thought that 'Need' worked well. To get her to come home. (to the class) How did you feel?
O.D.: (to Big Show) I'd come. I'd come running.
Big Show: Next time we break up, [O.D.], I'll make sure to read this sonnet to you.

"It's like a rond de jambe crossed with a tilt-a-whirl."
- Angela, describing a bit of choreography in Movement class

(discussing Two-Shots-Up's work on Sonnet 62)
Acting Professoressa: How do we account for the first eight lines of the poem being her talking about how vain she is?
Angela: She prob'ly thinks this sonnet's about her.

"Well that sounds like a f***ing sarcasm-fest. Is that what you were intending?"
- Acting Professoressa, on Angela's original too-harsh premise for Sonnet 115

"It's like she's writing, '[Big Show] and [Killer] disagreed with me.'"
- Big Show, when Acting Professoressa was noting something down in class right after a Big Show and Killer disagreed with her

"God, don't you just want to get on that set with a pair of scissors and cut her hair? And cut John Barton's hair?"
- Acting Professoressa, talking about an actress in the Playing Shakespeare DVDs

"You're going to go off the railroad tracks unless you start with a 'Need'."
- Acting Professoressa