Tuesday, December 2

Movement
There were noticeable changes in our bodies after 5 days of no Movement class. Just 5 days! What's going to happen after winter break?

We stuck to alignment whatnot, even though our Movement Showing is tomorrow. I was glad, actually. It took my mind off the Showing for a bit.


Voice/Acting
Instead of having Voice today, we just had Acting twice, and our Voice Professor attended the session that's normally her time slot. She gave us notes on how we're using our voices in our etudes.

In my first etude, I went off-voice on a few lines. And, most of the time, I recognize that I'm doing it while I'm doing it. But it feels hard to correct it mid-line without it being wrong. Or without faking something or pushing.

In my second one, I was on-voice the whole time. So I know that I can do it... It's just a matter of putting it into action.

My scene with D-Train ended up strange but good today. Definitely not what the playwright intended, but fun. (I have to tell D-Train to put down the baseball bat he's threatening me with. But today he wasn't holding the baseball bat when we got to that line, so the lines turned into a sexual reference... Which was kind of awesome and hilarious, but bizarre).

I ended up crying in a totally weird part of my scene with Thrill. Not when I was telling him I was pregnant. Not when I was telling him a traumatic story. Not even when he told me he hated the baby name I loved. No, I started crying when he started proposing to me. And not joyful tears. Upset tears. God only knows why.

In a different run of my scene with Thrill, I didn't an impulse to hit him. I don't really understand where the line is drawn on violence in these etudes. Sometimes moving furniture is too violent, and other times wrestling someone to the ground isn't too violent. And because the violence is basically improvised (i.e. not traditional stage combat), it is potentially dangerous. I guess I'm afraid to try anything for fear that it's going to be too much (which is probably dumb, as I'm weak and would be unable to hurt anyone if I tried).


Town Hall
Today was the Town Hall meeting in which the Artistic Director of the Repertory Theatre announced this season (the current one) to the community. All the conservatory students attended. The 3rd-years were introduced as part of the company. It was pretty great.

Again and again I find myself in awe of the fact that I'm here, and working at such an incredible program. The Town Hall meeting did that to me again today.

But I'm not going to lie, it also freaked me out a bit. I started mentally going to the dark place, thinking about what could happen in the next two years. What if I don't learn enough? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm utterly un-castable? What if all the other girls in my class (who are unbelievably skilled) get incredible casting, leaving no roles for me?

Yes, I know it's far down the line. Yes, I know that I'm being insane. And yes, I know that I'm learning a lot (so, so, so much) and that I'm doing good work on a pretty consistent basis (I've improved a great deal, and I'm proud of that). But that doesn't stop the voices in my head.





Movement Showing is tomorrow. Acting Showing is Thursday. Assessment is the 11th. Maybe once those are out of the way, I'll stop freaking out.

~A~