Wednesday, December 10

Today was the day I finally sang in our musical theatre workshop. And I turned into a total basketcase as a result. I was weeping hysterically in front of all of the 1st AND 2nd years. Let's just say it was not my finest moment. But I survived. I guess that's all that matters.

I FINALLY got to go to a rehearsal for The Imaginary Invalid (which is good, since I'm understudying a main character and the show opens January 2). Unfortunately, I couldn't go to all of it, as I had Box Office duties. I feel a bit over-scheduled at the moment. I think it should get better next week after our workshop is over.

Our first semester assessments are tomorrow. I'm not really all that nervous. I think I know the things I'm doing well with and the things I need to work on. Hopefully I won't get any curve balls.

Monday, December 8

Man, I skip a couple of days with this thing, and suddenly there's SO MUCH TO WRITE!

Musical Theatre Workshop
Sunday was the first day of our David Brunetti musical theatre workshop. But in the interest of time (aka me being too busy to write about it at the moment), I'll go into depth with that later. Suffice it to say, it's awesome. He's really cool. People are doing great work. And I'm terrified to go.

At first, I thought it was being terrified of singing (as I've dealt with fears of that nature in the past). But no, my recent explorations into the world of karaoke have pretty much rid me of that. It's more that I'm afraid of doing things wrong. I'm afraid of not understanding what my song is, or not being able to get to the right place emotionally. And most of all, I'm afraid to do process-oriented work in front of the 2nd-years.

I mean, the 1st-years have all seen me struggle and fail. But the 2nd-years have only seen our products up to this point, not our processes. I'm afraid of having a really hard time with it, and having all these people look at me and think, "how the heck did she get in here?"

Silly and irrational, I know. But it's there.


Theatre
I've seen two pieces of theatre in the last few days.

The first was Barnum, which was delightful. It was full of spectacle, and I made me feel positively joyful. There had not been nearly enough theatre of the musical variety in my life lately, and suddenly I'm being surrounded by it. And that's a lovely thing.

The second was Ladies First, which was a late-night put together by 5 of the girls in the 2nd-year class. They did a combination of scenes, monologues, and songs on the topic of the experience of being a woman. And it was stupendous. Even sitting in the back row of the theatre, they cut to my heart center so many times. It was beautiful. I look up to them so much, and am so inspired by the work that they've done.


Understudying
I've been to a couple of rehearsals now, and I'm starting the memorization process. And I think everything's going to be okay. It's going to be a lot of work, but I'm not afraid of it.




SIDE NOTE:
I've been getting emails from people who are interested in the process of getting into grad school, the reasons for going to grad school, and so forth. And I'm so happy to help! By all means, send your questions my way. If I can't answer them, I'll forward them on to my classmates, and hopefully we'll be able to help. :) angelaacts(at)gmail.com


~A~

Quotations: Volume 15

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:


"You say it's beef, but that doesn't mean it is actually beef. Just like how we learned earlier that a baseball bat doesn't have to be in your hand." - Acting Professor, to O.D. and Two-Shots-Up about the "beef" they're cooking in their etude, referring to my etude with D-Train

"Is that a baseball bat in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" - Acting Professor

"That's what you get with [O.D.]. You record freedom, you get freedom." - Acting Professor

"Where you're getting is good. It's more about how one gets there." - Acting Professor

"Is there such a thing as milking the freedom? Were you milking the freedom today in some instances? I think maybe you were." - Acting Professor, to O.D. and Two-Shots-Up, after a VERY free etude

"Sometimes when you get technique, it's like a kid with a new toy. 'Look what I can do! Look how free I am! Look how long I can hold this pause!'" - Acting Professor

"Truth is contagious." - Acting Professor

"It's ribs, then belly. It can be quick, like 'ribs-belly'. But it cannot be 'belly, la, la, la, ribs.'" - Voice Professor

"It doesn't need to be exciting. It doesn't need to be artistically beautiful. It needs to be precise, technique-wise. There can be no approximating with technique." - Acting Professor

"I'm sorry to talk contrarily on the one thing we all agreed on." - O.D., to his Men of Tortuga group in Analysis class.

"I think they're fifteen minute timeslots. But now we're dealing with time, so I don't know... Time, dates... Anything with numbers, really." - Voice Professor, about our upcoming assessments

"Let's make a better semi-circle. This is a seagull." - Acting Professor

"Spontan-uity" - Acting Professor, saying "spontaneity" with his Russian accent

"It was the good kind of silence. It was the kind of silence that signals attention. Never be afraid of that, because it's the best kind of silence you can have." - Acting Professor, on how quiet the observers were during our Acting Showing

"'What a story! What a play' is the best compliment you can receive. Because it means they didn't see you acting." - Acting Professor

"When the compliments are about your technique, about what kind of actor you are, you're not doing your job. Tomorrow, they should be thinking about the characters and the story, not, 'The way he held that pause!'" - Acting Professor

Acting Professor: When you see a show, you have to think, "Today, I'm going to take it in first, and analyze it later."
Big Show: 'I'm going to be entertained.'

"You need 'artistic freedom'. Freedom on the theme of the scene. Artistic freedom is freedom with responsibility." - Acting Professor

(on the process of understudying)
"So to create a performance, the recipe is: my creative individuality, their creative individuality... Sex. And then something else is born." - Acting Professor

Saturday, December 6

The class of 2011 has successfully completed the first semester of grad school. And no one died. (Although a couple of us haven't mastered the concept of not blinking when photos are being taken.)

(Platform Row: All-The-Way, Wifey, The Pro, Iceman, D-Train.
Ground Row: Me, Killer, O.D., Two-Shots-Up, Thrill, Big Show.)

Well, I suppose I should play a bit of catch-up, after skipping the last couple of days...

So here's most of what happened Thursday and Friday...

Movement
Thursday we did Acting work in Movement class. We did scenes from the play that we used in our Showing (Late: A Cowboy Song by Sarah Ruhl) as though they were etudes. Our Movement professor did side-coaching and gave us feedback from a Movement perspective.

She told me I wasn't breathing (when I WAS! I swear!), which she amended to say that my breathing was too shallow. By the end, she said I was breathing lower. She also said that I have a tendency to lock my knees (I bad habit of mine both on and off stage). And that when I turn my head, I'm not letting my eyes and head go a different direction from my body (rather, I'm moving everything as one unit). I had no idea I was doing any of that... More to work on, I suppose.

She also warned D-Train and I of "rushing to touch" in our etudes. She said that sometimes, going straight to touching your partner is a sign of nervousness, and for some people it's a default (also known as a "habit" or a "crutch").

She told some of my classmates that they had too much tension. She said something about how a kinesthetic response to releasing tension can actually create impulses. It was interesting, but I'm not sure I understand how to apply it... But that's probably because I'm the opposite of tense...

In lieu of Friday's class, we all had private meetings with our professor to discuss our progress. She knows I'm working and appreciates my positivity in class, but she says my body needs a lot of work. Most people in my class need to loosen up, but I'm TOO loose (hence why I've never gotten a note about tension). She wants me to build muscle and have a better concept of where my arms and legs are in space.

I told her that the thing I think I need to work on the most is my endurance. I'm great at giving everything I have to an activity, but then I'm worn out after a very short period of time. She says we'll get there.


Voice
Thursday was spent preparing for Friday's exam. Our exam was on "sending and landing text". Basically, our professor walked around, put one hand on your side and one on your stomach, and had you recite the first part of "Twinkle Twinkle". I think my body has figured it out now, so hopefully I did alright.

The tests here are so strange, when you think about it. They're not things you study for, so much as they're things you TRAIN for. You rehearse. You practice. But study? Nope.

Over the break, we've been told to keep reviewing our consonants and continue to work on finding space in the back of the mouth.


Acting
On Friday, we spent the entire 3 hour class just talking. We discussed everything that happened in everyone's etudes during the showing. He said there were moments of "great artistic polarity". And I wrote down that he used the word "ascetic", though I can't recall why. He seemed proud of us. I was, too.

Then we discussed our assignments for over the break.

First of all, as always, we are expected to be doing our "scales" over break (15 minutes a day of Chekov exercises).

Our primary assignment is to observe a professional skill well enough that we could recreate it on stage. We have to find someone to observe who is "not just a craftsman, not just a master, but an ARTIST." Their job has to be their calling, and they have to treat it as an art. (Which would involve certain finesse and economy of movement that someone who just KNOWS HOW to do it wouldn't possess.)

The exercise is to develop our skill of handling props on stage.

In the past, other students have observed professions such as:
- baker
- barber
- costumer
- florist
- hair stylist
- instrument repairman
- make-up artist
- massuese
- mechanic
- pedicurist
- phlebotomist
- pizza maker
- sushi chef
- tattoo artist
- wig maker

Our professor's "dare" profession for us was surgeon (although the prospect of recreating that in class seemed complicated... All-The-Way suggested stitching up a banana).

Anyway, dear readers, if you have any suggestions on professional skills for me to observe, please let me know.

The other observation assignments don't have to be QUITE as well-prepared when we get back. One is to observe an animal (I guess I'll be going to the zoo...). The other is to observe an inanimate object (my first thought was a pair of scissors, but then I realized how complicated that might be physically).

Lastly, we've been told to pay attention to other actors (in television, film, and stage) as they deny impulses. It's not really a formal assignment. We're just supposed to notice how they WANT to do thing, but DO another (either because they've been directed that way, or because they're fighting against it).


Analysis
On Thursday, we discussed Men of Tortuga by Jason Wells. It's an excellently written play, but I didn't really connect with it until we talked about it in class. It's a political thriller, about some men who have hired someone in order to assist them in killing a member of the opposition.

And Friday, I turned in my paper on Something You Did. It was about 6 pages (which is SHORT for that class... one of my group-mates wrote over 20), but I'm pretty confident that I said everything that I needed to say.

Really, I'm not worried. I don't care about grades here. I care about the education. The training. And as I know that I have the thought process right and care articulate it verbally, it doesn't matter all that much to me if I'm not as successful at it in writing.


Tech
My new assignment for Tech Crew is... Box Office. Which isn't really like Tech at all. I think I'm actually going to miss real tech. Oh well.

I had my first Box Office duties Friday night. I just had to go in and help at the Will-Call window for about an hour. I'm scheduled to do it again for tonight. Hopefully after that I'll be able to sneak in to the production of Barnum (starring Brad Oscar -- I keep passing him in the parking lot, which is vaguely surreal, as I've known who he was for awhile). I'm really excited to see it. The other show that the Rep is doing is This Wonderful Life (which is a one-man stage version of the movie It's a Wonderful Life). I'm pretty geeked to see that one as well.


Understudying
My understudy work kicked in to high gear today. We had the first understudy read-through for The Imaginary Invalid in the morning. The understudy cast is me, Wifey, O.D., D-Train, Two-Shots-Up, Killer, The Pro, and two 3rd-Years. It was a lot of fun, actually. Director-A is the assistant director for that play, so she'll be in charge of the understudies.

I also attended 4 hours of an 8-hour rehearsal of The Winter's Tale today. Unfortunately, the character I'm understudying didn't have a ton to do in that rehearsal. I think she'll be on a bunch tonight, but I'll be in the Box Office. Oh well.




So now "break" begins. But is it really a break when I have plenty of responsibilities and just as crazy of a schedule as ever?

~A~


P.S. We had to take a goofy picture, too.

Thursday, December 4

I should be writing my paper on Something You Did for Analysis class, as it's due tomorrow. But I really need to get this out...



My class rocks.

We had our Acting Showing today, and it was sensational.

Our Acting Showing was sort of like an open class. My class sat in the front row, and there were several rows behind us filled with faculty, the entire 2nd-Year class, several 3rd-years (some of them had rehearsals for the Rep), donors, friends, and spouses (two of my classmates are married). In other words, a much larger crowd than we had at our Voice Showing or our Movement Showing (I suppose it makes sense that the Acting Showing would have the biggest draw for an Acting program). And instead of feeling nervous or judged, I felt like we had a room full of people loving us and supporting us. Even though the majority of the people in the room had never seen us act before, I felt safe; what a strange and wonderful experience.

We did our Scene Etudes in the order that the play presents them (even though we weren't working on them as a play... There is a LOT more in the play, and we're allowing every scene to be its own separate thing). My scenes were 2nd and 8th (of 8).

The etudes were wonderful. A couple of the etudes ran the best that I'd ever seen them. I cried three times just while watching my classmates (and do you know how many times I've seen these etudes? SO MANY. The fact that I cried today was HUGE).

Seriously, every single scene went well. And I think it really hit me today just how strong we are as a class. Every person in my class is undeniably talented and undoubtedly deserves to be here. Despite our rocky start, I think we're exactly where we need to be at this point in our training. And I can't tell you how thrilled I am that we have reached that goal.

I have hope that we can live up to the high standards that have been set by the incredible work of the 2nd and 3rd years. I believe that we will.

Both of the etudes I was in ran strongly today. My one with Thrill started from a more emotional place that we usually go from, but it worked. And my etude with D-Train somehow ended with me being the intimidating one (despite the fact that he was the one yielding a baseball bat at the onset... don't know how that happened exactly, but I'm confident that it was truthful).


I think there are three lessons that stand out to me from this semester of Acting class that brought us to this point:

1. I am.
Find the state of "I am" (meaning "I am [the character]", not just "I am playing [the character]")

2. Receive deeply.
Let in your partner deeply, and receive everything you can from them. Let them inform you of how you should be.

ETA: Let in your partner, the set, the architecture... EVERYTHING.

3. Full freedom.
Allow yourself full freedom to follow your impulses, and to let them inform your transformation.


I suppose those all seem either simplistic or vague if you're not actually in our class, but they're carved into my veins now. I've been writing "I am" and "Full freedom" on various parts of my body with pens for months now, trying to make sure that they're somehow ingrained in my soul. I need them to be a part of me, so that I can carry them with me into everything that I do on stage, long past being in this class. I want to apply them always and never let them become superficial statements. I feel in my heart that they are absolute truths.

Can I just say one more time how blessed I feel that my life has lead me to where I am now? Being in this program is the best thing that's ever happened to me as both an artist and a person.

And I feel honored to be a part of my class, because no matter how argumentative, defensive, or insane we all can sometimes become, we are equally as intelligent, driven, and talented. I appreciate every single one of them, and I'm glad that I get to work with them for the next 2.5 years.

Perhaps I should stop calling us a class and start calling us an ensemble. Because I think we might actually be one. At the very least, we're on the right track.


Go Team.


~A~


P.S. Yes, I realize that I just skipped over how my other classes today went entirely. But they seem comparatively inconsequential.

Wednesday, December 3

Movement
Aside from some confusion over the starting time, our Movement Showing went beautifully. Much better than I thought it would go, actually. Everything flowed well, and we worked together to get everything accomplished. I was pretty proud of us.

The 2nd-years showed the ballet work they've been doing, which I thought was awesome. It seemed like they had about 18,000 things to memorize. They demonstrated a bunch of bar work before moving into combinations. I leaned over to The Pro at one point and said, "Look! It's the future!" It's great to see what we're going to be doing a year from now. Makes me feel like there's a goal in sight.


Acting
Our Voice Professor came to class to observe our etudes and give out some vocal notes.

Both of my scenes went pretty well today, so I'm feeling confident going into our Acting Showing tomorrow. And we were told today that the Artistic Director of the Repertory Theatre is going to be unable to attend, which relieves a bit of stress. Hopefully everything will go beautifully.




I left school today feeling good about things. I've made tremendous progress already, and I know I'm going to continue to bloom and grow, bloom and grow forever (yes, I just quoted "Edelweiss"... don't judge me). For the most part, I understand the technique and am able to apply it. I'm excited that my class is getting the opportunity to show people (aside from each other) what we can do. And I know we're going to rock it.

~A~

Tuesday, December 2

Movement
There were noticeable changes in our bodies after 5 days of no Movement class. Just 5 days! What's going to happen after winter break?

We stuck to alignment whatnot, even though our Movement Showing is tomorrow. I was glad, actually. It took my mind off the Showing for a bit.


Voice/Acting
Instead of having Voice today, we just had Acting twice, and our Voice Professor attended the session that's normally her time slot. She gave us notes on how we're using our voices in our etudes.

In my first etude, I went off-voice on a few lines. And, most of the time, I recognize that I'm doing it while I'm doing it. But it feels hard to correct it mid-line without it being wrong. Or without faking something or pushing.

In my second one, I was on-voice the whole time. So I know that I can do it... It's just a matter of putting it into action.

My scene with D-Train ended up strange but good today. Definitely not what the playwright intended, but fun. (I have to tell D-Train to put down the baseball bat he's threatening me with. But today he wasn't holding the baseball bat when we got to that line, so the lines turned into a sexual reference... Which was kind of awesome and hilarious, but bizarre).

I ended up crying in a totally weird part of my scene with Thrill. Not when I was telling him I was pregnant. Not when I was telling him a traumatic story. Not even when he told me he hated the baby name I loved. No, I started crying when he started proposing to me. And not joyful tears. Upset tears. God only knows why.

In a different run of my scene with Thrill, I didn't an impulse to hit him. I don't really understand where the line is drawn on violence in these etudes. Sometimes moving furniture is too violent, and other times wrestling someone to the ground isn't too violent. And because the violence is basically improvised (i.e. not traditional stage combat), it is potentially dangerous. I guess I'm afraid to try anything for fear that it's going to be too much (which is probably dumb, as I'm weak and would be unable to hurt anyone if I tried).


Town Hall
Today was the Town Hall meeting in which the Artistic Director of the Repertory Theatre announced this season (the current one) to the community. All the conservatory students attended. The 3rd-years were introduced as part of the company. It was pretty great.

Again and again I find myself in awe of the fact that I'm here, and working at such an incredible program. The Town Hall meeting did that to me again today.

But I'm not going to lie, it also freaked me out a bit. I started mentally going to the dark place, thinking about what could happen in the next two years. What if I don't learn enough? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm utterly un-castable? What if all the other girls in my class (who are unbelievably skilled) get incredible casting, leaving no roles for me?

Yes, I know it's far down the line. Yes, I know that I'm being insane. And yes, I know that I'm learning a lot (so, so, so much) and that I'm doing good work on a pretty consistent basis (I've improved a great deal, and I'm proud of that). But that doesn't stop the voices in my head.





Movement Showing is tomorrow. Acting Showing is Thursday. Assessment is the 11th. Maybe once those are out of the way, I'll stop freaking out.

~A~