Quotations: Volume 19

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:


(talking to Iceman about the dialect for the role he's understudying in The Devil's Disciple. It's a Shaw play that takes place during the American Revolution)
Voice Professor: Oh, you have one line. And we've already decided how he's going to say it. Go to him. It has a little bit of flavor to it.
Killer: Jamaican.

"No one should be discouraged about the "all/honest/fathers" vowels, because those are the most difficult to tell apart. If you're having trouble with "green" and "sit", then you should be discouraged." - Voice Professor

"I accidentally picked up two cigarettes because I confused them with chalk." - Voice Professor, when prop cigarettes from a scene were left in the chalk well at the blackboard

"I hate that I keep getting duped by those cigarettes!" - Voice Professor, prompting me to throw them away

Two-Shots-Up: So if I have trouble with vowels, can I call you for help?
Voice Professor: No, that is not a vocal emergency.
Two-Shots-Up: But it's vocal trow-ma (she intentionally uses the wrong vowel for "trauma").
Voice Professor: If you call me and say "trow-ma", I will take the call.

"'Blocking' is a terrible word. It should be 'moving.' Or 'traffic patterns.'" - Movement Professor

"If the character is not a plant rather than a construction, there is a problem." - Acting Professor

"Who does he think he is, this Newt the snoot?" - Acting Professor, about Iceman's character Newt from the Vonnegut story "The Long Walk to Forever"

Movement Professor: (to Iceman) I'm seeing tension in your temples. [...] I'm guessing it's a habit from thinking.
Acting Professor: (emphatically) Stop. Thinking.

"If five minutes up to the curtain no one is nailing something in on stage, it's not theatre." - Acting Professor, quoting someone who was nailing something in to the set of a show he directed five minutes before curtain on opening night

Acting Professor: (to Thrill) Are you going to try your scene with [Two-Shots-Up]?
Thrill: Yup.
Acting Professor: Give her a spin?
Thrill: Yup.

"That's not a character. That's a characterization. And that art is dead. We still see it, but it's dead." - Acting Professor, on working externally

"It leaves out something; the entire universe of the character." - Acting Professor, on working externally

"A conversation between a couple is usually a performance." - Acting Professor, on how people act in life

"I'm going to tell you a slightly dirty story." - Movement Professor

"Thirteen of my vertebrae are fused together. I tried to tell [Movement Professor]. It's like a square wheel; it's not going anywhere." - Newbie

Killer: (to Voice Professor) Are you the final authority on diphthongs?
Voice Professor: Totally. Final, final. Not just final; final, final, final.

"No eye-rolling. That's [Analysis Professor]'s territory." - Voice Professor

Newbie: I'm from Jersey, but I don't say "cawffee". I say it "coffee".
Voice Professor: That's absolutely correct.
Newbie: So I'll use the word "coffee" as my example for the "honest o".
Voice Professor: That's a good one for you.
Newbie: Now, what will help me with "north"?
Voice Professor: Probably nothing.
(Note: In the Standard American Dialect, "north" is supposed to be said sort of like "nawrth".)

(the class is calling out examples for various vowels)
D-Train: Fornication!
Voice Professor: Excuse me; FAWR-nication. And that will NOT be on your exam.
(Note: Iceman threw out "pornography" as another example of the weird AWR diphthong. My class is awesome.)

Thrill: This is not fun, [Voice Professor].
Voice Professor: It's not supposed to be fun. At what point did I say it was going to be fun?

(Voice Professor has been giving complicated words for our self-test)
Voice Professor: Your next word is... 'get.' I'm throwing you a bone, here.
Wifey: Don't patronize me.
(Note: At least one of my classmates ended up getting that wrong, as Southerners are used to saying "get" so that it rhymes with "sit" instead of "met")

(Newbie left the classroom to get a prop for a scene, and was gone for longer than expected)
Acting Professor: Where's [Newbie]?
Iceman: She went to get her purse. But I'm beginning to think it's down a well.

"The given circumstances are always there. Reading them right and appraising them is a different situation." - Acting Professor

"It seems to me... Thank God [Analysis Professor]'s not here." - Big Show, prefacing an opinion in Analysis class that our professor might not have liked while we had a substitute

"How could you take my eyes? You piece of s***, I let you use my shower!" - D-Train, explaining Gloucester's state of mind in King Lear

"He's [O.D.]-alyzing it." - Killer, referring to how O.D. analyzes things in his own way

Substitute Voice Instructor: We'll be doing lots of IPA today.
D-Train: I actually really like IPA.
Me: I like the parts of IPA that I understand. The rest of it can blow me.

"Cashmere... Aha! I see that trickiness!" - Killer, analyzing a word on our IPA self-test

Movement Professor: (inquiring about how many psoas folds we had done) Do we have one or two more of these?
D-Train: Nein.
Movement Professor: Nine?!
D-Train: Nein. I mean, none. I mean nein meaning no. German.

"And then you need to move your... What are these called... Ankles!" - Movement Professor

"One time back at Harvard, I couldn't remember what these were called. (points to knees) I just could NOT remember. And I thought, 'Oh my God, I've lost my mind.'" - Movement Professor

"That's what I have, so it's right." - Big Show, verifying Killer's IPA self-test answer.

"Is your boyf--, is your wife--, is your husband here?" - Thrill, getting tripped up when asking Substitute Voice Instructor about her husband

"[Killer], I understand that you're an expert on the female soul, but I want to hear from her." - Acting Professor to Killer, after he volunteered to explain the romantic psychology of Wifey's character

"You were torturing him, and it was so delicious and so pleasurable." - Acting Professor, to Wifey about her work on Vonnegut's "A Night for Life"

"If we want to be monkeys, then of course we can use outer-technique. But if we want to be artists, then we see that there is only one technique for both inner and outer, and it starts from the inner-technique." - Acting Professor

"Vonnegut is not a naturalist; he's a realist with a wonderful sense of humor." - Acting Professor

"Let it. Just let it." - Acting Professor (repeated line)

"[D-Train] had trouble at the beginning, and you saw him go, 'S***! What the f-... What the hell am I doing?'" - Acting Professor

Acting Professor: Ah! He didn't rush. The problem was that he looked back.
D-Train: I did. I did, and I turned into a friggin' pillar of salt.

"I am a prepared actor. I check my props." - Thrill, after D-Train suggested that he get papers that Thrill had already pre-set