Quotations: Volume 21

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:


"The gestures are not big because they're funny; the gestures are big because the stakes are very, very high." - Analysis Professor, at the Imaginary Invalid understudy run

"If you're begging for a laugh, you'll never get one." - Analysis Professor

"Don't ever play the vagina. Don't play that your nose is in her crotch. It just happens to be there." - Analysis Professor to Killer (Claude Understudy) at the Imaginary Invalid understudy run

"She thinks she's being gentle, but she just has that loud and intense energy. It's... You know what it is? It's me. In text class. I'm being gentle when I talk like that." - Analysis Professor to Two-Shots-Up about the character of Angelique at the Imaginary Invalid understudy run

"If it's not real, it's not comedy." - Analysis Professor

"He thinks, 'I am about to lose the most important thing in my life.' He just happens to be Joan Crawford." - Analysis Professor about stakes at the Imaginary Invalid understudy run

Me: Hey [Two-Shots-Up], [my friend] is making tacos at my place later. You coming over?
Two-Shots-Up: Are they gonna be chicken tacos? Because if they are, I'm in there like swimwear.

"Let's make this out of porcelain. Safety isn't a priority, so long as it's heavy." - Big Show, using a funny accent, making fun of a set piece we were moving

"Because we're freaks, right? In the world scheme. We all know that." - Voice Professor, about people who do theatre

"We could copy it. It's educational. It's not like we're going to sell it. Who would buy it?" - Voice Professor, on obtaining a DVD about vocal cords that was hundreds of dollars

"I'm not doing anything tricky. This is all I'm doing." - Voice Professor, when entering The Child's Pose to begin a demonstration of the Triangle Laser Hum

Thrill: (to Voice Professor, after Triangle Laser Hum) Has anyone ever told you you're like an alien when you do that?
Voice Professor: I know it's a little out-of-body.

Voice Professor: (to Analysis Professor) No shoes on the mats!
(the class has various vocal reactions to jokingly shame him)
Analysis Professor: Oh, shut up. I own the place.

Artistic Director: Hey! You're the one with the blog!
Me: Yeah, that's me.
Artistic Director: Am I on it?
Me: Yes. A little.
Artistic Director: What's my code name?
Me: "Artistic Director."
Artistic Director: Is that all? I was hoping for something more exciting.
Analysis Professor: (leans out of Student Rep meeting room) Angela, get in here. [Artistic Director], you can have her when she's a third-year. Right now, she's mine.

"I feel a bit funny standing here recording with my mouth open wide like a goober fish or something. Not a goober fish. A grouper? I don't know. It has a big mouth and it opens." - O.D.

"He's a side man. Of course he's a side man. And he has his own tragedy. But you can't live the tragedy; you have to live." - Movement Professor, about O.D.'s character in Acting class

"That's a different kind of acting. Brecht is not Vonnegut, because Brecht is... Brecht." - Acting Professor

"If I was blonde, that would've sounded very smart." - Acting Professor, after describing the social ramifications of being a pretty blonde woman to describe my character in Acting class

"I loved playing the dumb blonde roles when I was younger. I loved, loved, loved, loved, loved, loved, LOVED playing the dumb blonde." - Movement Professor

"[O.D.], I see you holding yourself at a gun point there to do something romantic. Why?" - Acting Professor, about O.D. in a scene

"Is there such a thing as, instead of 'stepping on the brakes', the problem was not having enough gas?" - O.D., after a discussion about how he may have 'stepped on the brakes' instead of following all of his impulses in a scene

O.D.: So the impulse is the green light, but you still have to step on the gas?
D-Train: Wow. Our metaphors are getting REALLY clear now.

"That's okay. You didn't know. But now that you know... you could move your legs." - Movement Professor to D-Train, after he said he felt stupid for not following his impulse that his character was secretly gay

"Who stole my Bagombo?" - Acting Professor, when he couldn't find his copy of Bagombo Snuff Box

"You come to graduate school to be sensitive, not to cover up. You're covered up when you get there. You have to spend the next three years getting rid of all that crap." - Movement Professor

"Brecht is the founder of MTV." - Analysis Professor

"I'm just gonna die in the insane asylum." - Newbie, after having difficulty in Movement class with something called The Torpedo, which resembles crossing the floor on your back while wearing a strait-jacket

"I'll put a whoopie cushion under you if you keep forgetting to take your butt off the floor." - Movement Professor

"Never look at where you're coming from. Always look at where you're going. That's the past. This is the future." - Movement Professor, on cartwheels

"This might seem a little crunchy-fruity, but it's true." - Movement Professor

Movement Professor: I'm not sure that you should do this today, [Killer]. Your shoulder might not be ready today.
Killer: I'm fine today.
Movement Professor: Can you do it tomorrow instead? When I've calmed down about it?

Movement Professor: Do you like to cartwheel, [Big Show]?
Big Show: Oh, I love to cartwheel. I was doing this for an hour before I came in this morning.
Movement Professor: You're lying.
Big Show: Yes, I'm lying.

"There's probably one number you're gypping. Don't do that." - Voice Professor, on our "pelvic clocks"

D-Train: [Movement Professor] kicked our a**es today.
Voice Professor: That's good.
Thrill: Good?
Voice Professor: Doesn't it feel good?
Thrill: You don't understand.
Voice Professor: You don't think I've had my a** kicked millions of times by [Movement Professor]?
Thrill: Yeah, but that was when you were in your prime.

"I can out-cobra you any day of the week, man." - Voice Professor to Thrill, challenging him to a tremor-ing contest

Voice Professor: (using Russian accent) Special kind of pleasure.
Killer: That's what [Acting Professor] says after hours.
Voice Professor: That's what all Russians say after hours.

"The fact that you can hold a pause on stage and still live is wonderful. There are many professionals that cannot do that. But, guys, you don't have to prove to us that you can do that. We've seen it. You've done it. Stop trying to prove it." - Acting Professor

"No wonder so many actors become emotional wrecks in everyday life. It's that they're not putting everything onto the stage." - Acting Professor

"The fact that you are functioning that well as an actor despite the 'Movement Storm' makes me wonder what would happen if you stopped battling all that stuff." - Acting Professor to Big Show

"Again, it's half compliment, half ay-yi-yi." - Acting Professor

Movement Professor: I was going to say something, but I can't remember. Maybe it wasn't important.
Iceman: If it was important, you'll remember it.
Movement Professor: Isn't that the way it always works? It was probably an anecdote.
All-the-Way: Were you going to tell us a slightly dirty story?
Movement Professor: No. But I could.

"It is still being discussed in [Acting Professor]'s mind, by himself." - Voice Professor, when we asked her if she knew what play we might be using for our Play Project in Acting class

All-the-Way: My a** is sore.
Wifey: I'm not counting what's sore anymore. I'm counting what's not sore.
All-the-Way: That sounds easier.
Wifey: It's a much shorter list.
Iceman: My tongue is fine.

(after Iceman had listed several other body parts that were not sore, Voice Professor stopped him)
Iceman: Did I just cross a line?
Voice Professor: Not yet, but I figured that's where you were headed. When the word 'nipple' is mentioned, it's a good time to stop.

"When I said 'Pippin', you knew I meant the musical and not, like, 'pimpin'', right?" - Voice Professor

"I have to take off this off This forward placement makes me hot." - Voice Professor, removing the fleece that she wears over her clothes in the usually-cold voice studio

"You should never feel like a little girl. You should always feel like a woman who goes to bed naked." - Movement Professor, coaching me on how to play my Marilyn Monroe-esque character

"Angela, you should be writing this down." - Acting Professor to me, after the ONE THING he'd said all class that I hadn't written down (which I think, based on my notes, was about how the emotional life of a character is grown purely organically, whereas physical life of a character can be a little more of a choice because real physical behavior is a result of choices rooted in society, culture, and how one wishes to be perceived.)

"Good. You're going to take him far away from the house, and shoot him there. You can't shoot him here, so you'll take him to the forest." - Acting Professor, side-coaching All-The-Way on her reason for agreeing to go on a walk with Iceman's character

"I'm not getting anywhere, but I'm having fun." - Wifey, on the "Swoopy Scoop" crawl thing that we did in Movement class

"Where does my bottom begin? I can't feel it anymore." - D-Train, during the "Swoopy Scoop"

"Bring that gorgeous pelvis through." - Movement Professor, on donkey kicks

"I hope this move isn't part of natural selection. Because if it is, I'm done for." - Me, on "Christina's Crawl", which is like a sideways combat crawl

Voice Professor: I don't generally hug students.
All-The-Way: But what if I told you that my dog died and I was inconsolable.
Voice Professor: If it were true, then I'd give you a hug.
Thrill: I'm gonna find you one day, [Voice Professor]. I'm gonna find you and give you a hug.
Voice Professor: I have a lot of power to pay you back, [Thrill].

"Is it possible to have a 'chai mai tai'?" - Voice Professor, trying to create a sentence for the "aI" diphthong

Two-Shots-Up: (using her example sentence for the "aI" diphthong) 'I like Thai guys."
Voice Professor: That's sexy.

"Never, ever, never be stingy with the breath." - Voice Professor

(explaining the mouth shape with the "aI" diphthong, and the phrase "I like my pie.") "Don't be too wide. You shouldn't have to smile. I don't smile. I'm very serious about my pie. - Voice Professor

"I saw Hellboy. In the theatre. And of course I loved it. And Hellboy Two. With [Analysis Professor]." - Voice Professor

Voice Professor: (to me, after I said "I exercise my tight thighs at nine.") Great consonants in the final position. Did everyone hear that?
Iceman: Yeah. She's pretty good at talkin'.

"Oh, buck up, Leontes. Jesus!" - All-The-Way, during an understudy rehearsal for The Winter's Tale

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And here are some from a few weeks ago...


"I love [Voice Professor], but she is mad as a hatter!" - Carl Forsman

"Doing Agatha Christie with no accent?! It's like doing a Thronton Wilder play with no clothes on!" - Carl Forsman

"sIwədəmIn?" - Acting Professor (that's my way of attempting to IPA the way he pronounces "See what I mean?", which he says on a regular basis... For those who don't read IPA, it's kinda like "sih-wud-uh-min?")