Quotations: Volume 32

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:


(Big Show and Iceman were getting into a stage combat battle as their characters in a rehearsal for Helen.)
Acting Professoressa: Wait, wait, wait!
(they stop the stage combat)
Iceman: I just couldn't stop!
Acting Professoressa: But I had to stop you. You looked like you didn't care that he was about to poke your eye out.

Acting Professoressa: (to the Chorus and Helen) Enter like someone has just told a joke.
All-The-Way: Did you ever hear the one about the areopagite and the priest?
(Angela laughs hysterically)
Acting Professoressa: That's right, that's right.
Wifey: (in character) What's a 'priest'?

(Iceman tries to cross to Newbie really awkwardly with his arms extended and as though he's in shock to see her)
Acting Professoressa: Um, [Iceman]...
Iceman: I know, I did the Zombie Walk to her.
Acting Professoressa: (comforting) Well, that's okay. A little bit of the Zombie Walk is okay.

(Iceman started crossing the stage while Newbie was talking, pulling focus from her)
"Unfortunately, [Iceman], now you have focus, and now Helen's going to come over there and knock you in the head. Well, no, [Newbie] won't, but you might have that happen to you with some actress in the future if you move on her line."
- Acting Professoressa

(after Iceman accidentally punched All-The-Way during his blocking, he grabbed a pen and started making a note in his script while murmuring to himself)
"Don't punch [All-The-Way]. Write that down."
- Iceman

(Iceman put his head in Newbie's lap in the scene, and then kept it there while she gave a whole speech)
"[Iceman], I don't think you can keep the head in the lap. I know it's a delightful invitation, but..."
- Acting Professoressa

(at the start of class, after trying to kill small bugs that were flying around her tea)
Acting Professoressa: Hello everybody. This could be my last time with you, as the vermin keep getting in my drink no matter what I do.
Newbie: Are they like little gnats?
Acting Professoressa: I don't know, but they're everywhere, and I'm beginning to take it personally.

"Angela, don't make a face when you say that."
- Acting Professoressa, regarding the way I said "She wants to have me killed."

Acting Professoressa: You are what?
Thrill: (in a caveman-like blunt monosyllable) King!
Acting Professoressa: King of what?
Thrill: Sparta!
Acting Professoressa: What is Sparta?
Thrill: It is warrior village!

(while blocking a cross that All-The-Way and Thrill would be making side-by-side during a tense scene where they were teaming up against Angela)
Acting Professoressa: (to All-The-Way) And then he'll cross over with you. What side is he on, darling?
All-The-Way: My side.
Acting Professoressa: I meant left or right.

(after Andromache has said something gutsy to try to stop Menelaus from killing her son, Acting Professoressa instructed Thrill on how to handle his next moment as Menelaus)
"You're the General. Turn around and look at her. And then laugh at her balls. And then turn around and kill the f***er."
- Acting Professoressa

"Do I keep going, or does he go to kill the f***er first?"
- Angela, asking about Andromache's reaction to Menelaus' blocking

"I would rather have Howdy Doody for a father-in-law than you!"
Acting Professoressa, to O.D. on how to deliver the line "I think I would rather have anyone for a father-in-law than a criminal like you."

"'She stimulated travel.' You can throw that at an areopagite for a cheap laugh. I'm not above that."
- Acting Professoressa, to Thrill, who has some pretty ridiculous lines defending Helen, including "She helped Greeks come together. She stimulated travel."

"You're shooting your wad on a verbal there."
- Acting Professoressa, to O.D.

O.D.: "It's a goat..."
Acting Professoressa: (interrupting the line) It's a what?
O.D.: "It's a goat..."
Acting Professoressa: (interrupting the line) It's a goooooooooooooooat! Use that f***ing vowel.

(discussing costumes)
Acting Professoressa: (to Thrill) What are you wearing?
Thrill: Nothing.
Big Show: It is Greek, really.

(when Orestes is fighting the invisible Furies who are tormenting him)
D-Train: Can I just ask... How f***ed up am I?
Acting Professoressa: F***ed up enough that you can't talk.
Big Show: But not so f***ed up that you're eating your own poop?
D-Train: That's what I'm asking! How f***ed up AM I?!

(after we were all exhausted in Movement class because of an evening rehearsal of The Greeks the day before)
Movement Professor: Do you guys have The Greeks again tonight?
D-Train: (whining) We have THREE HOURS of Electra tonight.
Movement Professor: You'll survive. Oedipus made it to two other plays.

"We'll have a tutorial about the urn."
- Acting Professoressa, after a lot of discussion about how people should be handling the urn that supposedly contains Orestes' ashes

Acting Professoressa: (to Two-Shots-Up) Electra must suspect what this guy is going to tell her.
D-Train: I mean, I AM carrying an urn.
Acting Professoressa: That is a BIT of a hint.
D-Train: "I bring news of Orestes."

Acting Professoressa: The stakes are, may I say, higher than anything ever before.
D-Train: It's almost like they're Greek or something.
Acting Professoressa: Yes. They're f***ing Greek.

"No, the fist makes you look like a Nazi."
- Acting Professoressa, when D-Train was trying to determine how Orestes should show Electra that he was wearing their father's ring

"I want you to take the word 'dangerous' and lob it to your partner. If you don't, there's no 'doing'; it's just been aborted. It's just dripping onto the floor. (general sounds of disgust from the class) What? There are other things that can be aborted besides fetuses! (She begins walking away over her imaginary 'aborted' action.) I'd better watch my step..."
- Acting Professoressa

(after getting back notes on our Standard American Dialect exams)
Wifey: (attempting to read Voice Professor's handwriting) What does 'S-H-M-N-G-R' mean? Shminger?
Voice Professor: Stronger.
Killer: I had a similar note. I thought it was 'stranger'.
Voice Professor: (joking) Well, it SHOULD be stranger...
Wifey: I was like, 'well, I wanna take the note...'

Acting Professoressa: I'd like to start with the arrival of Adam.
Angela: That's where God liked to start, too.

"Helen is somebody who uses sex as a hairbrush. When she needs it, it's there."
- Acting Professoressa

"I think you have a shot at making something quite impressive out of these three plays. I'm really quite jazzed about it."
- Acting Professoressa, encouraging us :)