Quotations: Volume 33

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:
(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)

Wifey: So, can we begin screaming in The Greeks now, or should we still mark it?
Voice Professor: See if you can do silent screaming today.
Newbie: But most of the screaming is off-stage. The screams are cues.
Voice Professor: Wow, that would really mess with [Acting Professoressa]'s head.

"Up and two, and down and two. And up and two, and down and two. And miniskirts and two, and shorts and two. And briefs and two, and speedo and two. And catsuit and two, and scuba-gear and two."
- Movement Professor, giving counts for leg lifts that are toning our bums and thighs

"I love cashews... and popcorn... and gin!"
- Acting Professoressa, demonstrating how lists should be said as though you have no idea what you're going to say next, or IF you're going to say something else.

"Be interested, not interesting."
- Acting Professoressa, on not indicating

"[Wifey], make more of your motto, 'never get involved'. It's embroidered on every pillow in your house. It's on your favorite coffee mug."
- Acting Professoressa, on how Wifey should think of her role as Chrysothemis in Andromache

"This is called the 'air in the armpit theory'."
- Acting Professoressa, on how there should be space between your arms and your body, both to allow for period costumes and to give an character higher status

"That's the La Brea tar pit of 'p-ing the p', and you did step a little in the muck today, although you didn't get fully pulled under."
- Acting Professoressa, on the subject of "playing the problem"

(after Thrill had attempted a motivated scream)
Voice Professor: It started off good, but then the arc got a little off.
Thrill: I was falling off the cliff, though.

"That scared the hell out of me."
- Big Show, regarding his scream in Voice class

Voice Professor: So [Thrill], take a line of text, and think of why you're yelling, your intention, and who you're talking to.
Thrill: You want me to do all that? [Voice Professor], I am not an actor.
Voice Professor: [Thrill], you don't need to tell me that, but we're gonna work on it.

"And people f***ing loved me for it."
- Thrill, using his chosen line of text for a shouting/yelling exercise in Voice class

Acting Professoressa: I read an article that said that if you want to avoid getting the flu, getting sick, that the most important thing to do is get sleep.
All-The-Way: Easier said that done, [Acting Professoressa].
Big Show: Clearly, the pecker who wrote that article doesn't attend the [Conservatory].

"And that means... when I open the pumpkin... I can go to the window... where the murder weapon was!"
- Acting Professoressa, demonstrating the importance of figuring things out in the moment

"Dive-bombing the crotch is not necessary."
- Acting Professoressa, after Iceman buried himself in Newbie's lap during a hug in Helen

"If you try to support a laugh, it comes out fakey-fake."
- Voice Professor

Movement Professor: You all hate me now, but just wait to see what these exercises are doing for your core.
Angela: I know! Have you seen my stomach? It's like a whole new world for me.
Iceman: (singing to the tune of "A Whole New World" with the line "Indescribable feeling") "Now your psoas is glowing!"

"Obviously haven't been smoking enough."
- Acting Professoressa, after she had a coughing fit

(A LITTLE CONTEXT: Big Show and D-Train have a scene in The Mystery Plays where they're on a train and each is trying to figure out if the other is also gay. Killer is playing a gay man in Eight, and has had tutorials with Head of Program to learn more about gay culture, which Head of Program once referred to as "homo lessons").
Head of Program: (to D-Train) I'm gonna have to coach you on gay cruising.
All-The-Way: Is he gonna get homo lessons, too?
Head of Program: (points to Big Show and D-Train) They're both getting homo lessons.

"You can make a sexual contact by doing nothing more than smiling, and holding eye contact a fraction of a second more than most people would. Take notes, boys; I've been there."
- Head of Program

"You have to discover that the world you were taught as a Catholic kid is even darker than you imagined."
- Head of Program, referring to the "sin-eater" in The Mystery Plays

"Always be alert to what's underneath the text."
- Head of Program

D-Train: Maybe this is a stupid question...
Head of Program: (interrupting) I'll be the first to tell you that it is. You know that.

(while discussing a line in The Mystery Plays that implies that a character believes that Hugh Jackman might be gay)
"I attended a performance of The Boy from Oz where he auctioned off the t-shirt he had worn in the show for Equity Fights Aids. He got five thousand bucks for it. For a sweaty, disgusting t-shirt. I didn't have my checkbook on me, or I would have gotten it for six."
- Head of Program

Head of Program: Remember, Miss Scarlet, you have to eat before you go to the dance.
D-Train: What does that mean?
Head of Program: (sighs) I'll explain it to you later.

"If you write that down, I will kill you."
- Head of Program, to me as I was about to write down one of his quotations from rehearsal