Quotations: Volume 52

Here are some of the educational, inspirational, and humorous quotations from my classes this week:

(Disclaimer: quotations are often taken out of context and may not accurately reflect the way they were originally intended)


"Let's be a half-drunk audience."
- Movement Professor, before we showed our Stuffed Turkeys

(Voice Professor explained that sometimes the theatre auctions off a dinner cooked by professors, and Voice Professor has been sous chef for it. Thrill seemed confused as to why people would bid on it.)
Thrill: Did you have to take your clothes off or anything?
Voice Professor: These people don't want us to take off our clothes. They want dinner.

"Do you have rats hidden in your armpits? You feral thing. You look scary!"
- Acting Professoressa, when she saw O.D. with the long hair and beard that he'd been growing over Spring Break for his role in The Game of Love and Chance

"Statements are dead wood. Get rid of them."
- Acting Professoressa

"Ladies and gentlemen, there will now be a five minute intermission while Roderigo does his hand-reading lazzo. Feel free to get some popcorn in the lobby."
- Acting Professoressa, after D-Train took longer than usual with a bit he does in a scene as Roderigo (which involves looking at the notes he wrote on his hand about what he wants to confront Iago with)

D-Train: You've given me this note several times, and I still don't know what to do with it.
Acting Professoressa: Well, that's what's good about having a professor with early on-set Alzheimer's: I don't remember that I gave you that note.

"Collaborate with the playwright. Don't just try to please the playwright."
- Movement Professor

"Treat him as if he just put a turd in the punch bowl at your sweet sixteen party. It's a shock."
- Acting Professoressa, coaching All-The-Way on how Luciana should approach Antipholus in The Comedy of Errors

"Sober up, sober up."
- Acting Professoressa, as the entire class laughed at the "turd in the punch bowl" line

"Now before we go to break... Ha! Go to break! It's my talk-show, here. Jimmy, on camera three?"
- Acting Professoressa

"Rabid actor syndrome. Watch out."
- Acting Professoressa, after D-Train accidentally ripped a page out of his Riverside Shakespeare Anthology

"Rarely do you want to be left holding the bag that says, 'I'm a bastard.' That's your last choice."
- Acting Professoressa, on the importance of positive justifications and positive point-of-view choices

(while discussing D-Train's Need in his scene with Angela)
Angela: I think it has less to do with him wanting to sleep with a person, and more to do with him wanting to sleep with me, specifically. He keeps saying how gorgeous I am...
Wifey: Well, sure, he probably wants you to look pretty while he does you.

"She has it, knowing that his d*** will jump out of his pants."
- Acting Professoressa, on Angela's character Diana in All's Well That Ends Well knowing that she can get what she wants from him

"Don't spill your juice so early... I don't mean that sexually."
- Acting Professoressa, on D-Train & Angela's scene from All's Well That Ends Well

"I don't think I've been smoking enough."
- Acting Professoressa, after telling us that she didn't feel well

"Swing those balls, man."
- Acting Professoressa, to Iceman on how he needs to prove Petruchio's manhood in The Taming of the Shrew

"Now, who is this 'Keeper'? Could he have a slight -- and I mean really, really, really, really slight -- drinking problem?"
- Acting Professoressa, on Iceman's bit part as the Keeper of the prison in a Two Noble Kinsmen scene

(while discussing Wifey & Iceman's Taming of the Shrew scene)
D-Train: Isn't that line sexual innuendo?
Wifey: I'm treating it like it is.
Angela: I love the "tongue in your tail" line. That gets me every time.
Acting Professoressa: Well, now we know what floats your boat.
(general laughter)

(while discussing the blocking of Wifey & Iceman's Taming of the Shrew scene)
All-the-Way: Shouldn't she slap him back, after he hits her butt?
Wifey: Maybe I liked it a little.